SherryL - Thanks for the advice. Will try to do that..but it is kinda hard as my H is acting like someone who has lost his marbles. One minute, he'll say he wants to be a monk, and wonders if he can bring a partner (OW???) with him. The next, he will says things like "You and OW are in trouble. I just had a few drinks, and I am looking at every single woman that walked past!". So, you see, it is kinda difficult to act "as-if" the OW does not exist. He brings it up all the time. For the last two days, I 've been brushing him off with "Do whatever you want. I don't want to know". I know that is a NO-NO. But I feel that if I don't do that, I am the one gonna lose my marbles.
I am so numb already, I really don't want to listen to his nonsense. About his day - fine. But about his floosy...no can do. And he wonders "why are you sooo upset?". I am like "Hello? If you want to talk about her, can you please find a friend to talk to? I really don't want to hear about it. I am not your friend. I am your wife!". I know I know..another DBing-NO-NO. But that a@@hole H of mine is getting on my nerves when he does that. But this morning, he seems to have gotten a little bit of his marbles back. Talking more sensibly...about his job, his co-worker, and him finding an alternative job....
I think I will have to mesh normal DBing principles with some of my own "sanity-preserving" principles!
Thanks again SherryL for the tips..I'll really really try to adhere to them...
I found you, you know you can't hide from me. I swear it would be nice if were not here down the road on our threads, "Still Moving Forward #17" and "Dodgermf has nothing better to do #24"...
Things sound so good. I'm really happy for you. You are doing so well. I feel I have gained some strength in the past couple of weeks reading some of your posts and others. Some of the techniques we use have finally kicked in for me and I'm not so anxious as I used to be. I finally have an appetite and smoke less cigarettes!!
Keep up the good work.
Kaydeekay
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
Your H is sitting on the fence and is very confused. My therapist told me that my H was on the fence and very confused but he didn't want to be on it alone on that fence; therefore, he would drag me along with his confusion. She told me to set boundaries for myself and not allow him to pull me along (was very hard to do). You can ask him all the questions right now and will not get a straight answer. The answer I would get was "I don't know what I want...I'm so confused."
My advice would be to let him have his space. The more you ask about your M the more he may pull away.
Kaydeekay
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
KDK - Yup! Kept on telling myself to give him space. Anna gave me a good line to use when H brings up R talks...so, hopefully, I can stop all these R talks and get on with my life and leaving H sitting on the fence himself.
Yoyogirl, give him space. He has to sort this out on his own. I would just tell him to do what he needs to do but put no pressure on him at all. He may or may not move out. I read lots of post where they say that and then don't move out. I know it is hard but keep DBing.
I just wanted to thank everyone again for the support and let you know I am taking a break for awhile.
