Hi Slowly - Yes, Quality Time is real important for me & H. It is my #1 LL and before this mlc/bomb/etc. I did not think it was important to H. Now, I am seeing it is. His primary LLs are AOS, WOA, PT. With our opposite schedules it is really trying to get the QT in. We just got back from a trip together and it was really, really nice. Now, back to reality and opposite schedules
Re: the fixing of H - I think this is something I have come a long way in working on. My Hs drinking is the main one as his health (trying to get him to go to Dr. appts.). Another big one is his job. He is still complaining about it but does nothing to fix it. I have come a long way in not interferring with this but it's trying when he is complaining, not happy, drinking but does nothing to fix it
Thanks for your insightful questions! Congrats on your resignation...that is awesome
Take Care, SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Just bumping myself up so I remember to post something while I'm reading all your great posts
I've been sick with a virus for a while now and that put me into a funk reminiscent of post D-Day times but I am managing to crawl back up
H and I haven't had much PT as I've been sick and that also reminds me of those days...I've done a little re-reading of my previous threads to try and get grounded.
H works V-day so some pressure is lifted in that regard. I got him some small gifts and will get a card but no big plans or dates in the works.
Better finish off work for the night.
SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
This has been the best V-day for me since the bomb (3/03). First year since then H got me a present and a card with a W theme not just generic. Although, I played it safe and got him a generic V-day card. The year after the bomb no V-day whatsoever. Last year the generic card and he cooked dinner. I can see this as tangible evidence that DB works and my H is slowly coming out of the mlc funk. I am so thankful to Michele, DB, and all the wonderful posters
Now, if I could get some PT ha, ha
Have a great day, all!
SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Just wanted to post about a recent slump in M with H. PI has seemed to drop off for the past month or so. I am not sure why this is occurring, but H is still drinking a lot so it most likey has to do with him/his issue. Also, we just had the 3 year anniv. of the bomb and he seems to get withdrawn this time of the year for some reason??? Last year I remember something similar happening but we still had PI going on.
It's been a while since I posted on my own thread
Hope someone can give some help with this latest sitch and lack of PI...
Take Care, SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
I haven't posted in a while as things have been pretty much the same and nothing new to report, etc.
Last night was awful. H went to bed before me and I fell asleep on the couch watching TV and was awakened by his cell phone ringing at 2am! By the time I got to it I missed the call but it said "private" so I freaked out. I then checked his phone log and thought I saw ex-FF # and freaked more. Went into the bedroom and woke him up and accused him of talking with her. He had no idea what I was talking about. I feel like such a fool. I don't think the number was hers anyway. I just got all shaky after the phone ringing and it spiraled out of control.
Now, I think H is mad at me and if I'm accusing him of something he's not doing and brought up her name now will he call her, etc. I am so mad at myself right now.
The only saving grace in this is that he was drinking last night so he may not remember this.
I'm also wondering if my St. John's wort is losing it's affect on me after 3 years. I also started some higher antioxidant vitamins with more A and E and wonder if this is causes the herb to not work as well.
For now my plan is not to bring this up and if H does then I will apologize and say the 2am "private" call freaked me out and sorry about accusing him. I do not remember ex-FF using "private" during their friendship either.
Well, I've basically been up since 2am, arrived late to work and better getting going.
Any input or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks, SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
I just did a reverse phone # look up and the number I saw was NOT exFF. I believe it was work related. I feel really awful now.
What do I do now???
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Quote: I just did a reverse phone # look up and the number I saw was NOT exFF. I believe it was work related. I feel really awful now. What do I do now???
If it comes up, apologize. Otherwise, move on and put it behind you.
Thanks, Liz! That was exactly what I was thinking Thanks for confirming this. I hope tonight goes ok but I'll Act as If all is well...
SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Hi Sp, I just now got here, sorry to be so slow. I have to say, I've done the same thing SOOOOOO many times...getting upset and asking about things and then wishing to heck I hadn't....and having H be angry at me. Heaven's, I remember a time when a phone call from "upromise" was left on the caller id, and I went after him about getting text messages from monster. I was so traumatized and overly sensitive at the time, I couldnt help it, but I can sure see now how nuts it had to make him. My experience has been that a couple of different things have "worked" at different times, kinda hard to tell sometimes which is best...but what I've done is 1)apologized for going off the "deep end" and then DROP IT (I have to work to not keep apologizing adnauseum, but it's like other things, if you've said it once & he's not deaf, he's heard you); and 2) not bring it up at all unless he does, and then if he does, apologize and validate and then drop it (something like "I'm sorry to be so easily stirred up, I know it must be frustrating for you"). These have worked with my H. Sometimes I've been able to turn it around into a joke, but that is a lot "iffier", and harder to predict.
And you're right, ACT AS IF. Hope this helps, I'm not sure....
I know you were here before, did we post to each other "back then"? I havent figured you out. Can't believe I'm such an old-timer here by now.
Slowly 
ha, ha
