According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Nothing much to report...I'm holding my own and trying not to let my imagination get away from me.
H does still work at the same place of exff so they are bound to see each other every once in a while - I wish she would just vanish, though
This time around seems much different than 2 years ago when exff reared her slithery head. Even when I confronted him about the cell bill he was calm and said "I have nothing to worry about." which he was never like before. He was in the thick of the mlc fog the last time...
Any input on this development???
Take Care, SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
You have many positives happening other than the cell phone stuff, and if he was going to hide it then he wouldn't leave it for you to see? And when you did ask he was calm and open. As long as you're seeing good positives, don't dwell on the cell stuff. It won't get you anywhere.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I wanted to check in and say that I totally sympathize with your trust issues. Recently, I had a talk with my H about how his recent changes with cell phone activity have made me more confident about our R. H would never take cell calls in front of me (if he forgot to turn off his ringer). Now he is talking on the phone in front of me AND showed me a strange wrong # that called into his cell multiple times. This may seem like no big deal but believe me, in our R,it is HUGE!
I thanked him for doing this and why it was important to me, w/out going on too much about the person on the other line. In fact, I didn't even say her name. I just said "the issues I had with who might be calling you." That was enough because my H very well knows who I wouldn't want calling him.
I'm beginning to detach more from OW issues. It's been very hard but I think that I am finally seeing the forest through the trees. My H is the issue, solely. OW is just an unfortunate by-product of it all. Sucks that there are people out there that have such little regard for themselves or others but that's a given truth in this world. If you read some of my last posts, you will see that I have begun to examine my OW feelings from another angle. I was as bad as OW in my past. I had no regard for myself or others. I treated myself horribly and hurt a number of people in the process. I'm beginning to understand that a majority of my anger towards OW is actually an extension of self-loathing. My goal is to clear that up immediately! OW can fend for herself.
Remember, these trust issues lie with our H's. These are their issues and their issues alone. Unfortuantely, being in love with them means that we need to deal with them but that does NOT mean we take them on as our own. Yesterday, I found my H had another online profile with some other online community. It was an old picture and going from that timeline, I can see that this was in place WAY before OW made her way into the pic. So, it really drove the point home that this is my H's problem and if it wasn't this OW it would have been another.
Going from my own past, I remember thinking during an affair I had with someone while in school that if it hadn't been me it would have been any one of the women in the dept. I recognized that this man needed to and was going to be with someone while he was going through what he was going through. (Don't ask why I was a willing participant. I'm already taking up too much space!) Sadly enough, I just happened to be the first in line of many girls. Point is, this is our H's way of dealing with challenging situations. What needs to happen is for us to be honest and clear-headed with ourselves about the entire sitch. I believe that will help us to be compassionate and intelligent about how to move forward with our R's.
Hi WCW & Sikan - Thanks for stopping by my thread Work is still pretty crazy and a co-worker was let go so more work for the rest of us
WCW - Your message definitely calmed me down and I have re-directed my energies from that cell bill and exff. I am trying to focus on all the good and baby steps, etc.
Sikan - Thanks for sharing your similar sitch with your H. It helps me to know I am not alone in this DB process. I think that is really positive that your H answered the cell in front of you and showed you that unidentified #. I too feel better when my H is more open and forthcoming. Sometimes it's hard for me not to revert back to my quizzing attitude which got me here in the first place.
I like what you wrote about the trust issues being with Hs not us:
Remember, these trust issues lie with our H's. These are their issues and their issues alone. Unfortuantely, being in love with them means that we need to deal with them but that does NOT mean we take them on as our own.
Well, I do need to wrap up more work but wanted to say hi and hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving!
I'll catch up more after the long weekend
Take Care, SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
I don't have much time to post but here's what is up over here...Work is RIDICULOUS...They fired that employee right before Thanksgiving and have announced they are not replacing her and want me to pick up some work I have a full plate with my job and don't want to take on her stuff because they are too cheap to hire someone else. They had hired a micro manager who now sits right across from me so I can barely check in here
Things have been in an upswing with H. We went to his family's last week and I managed to DB them all while there. Glad to be home but now H seems down. He really likes it there and I don't but do my best to Act as If.
Yesterday we had a delivery at home but we weren't there from a floral place so I am trying to not let my mind make up some crazy story. H will have to pick it up today as the rental office closes before I get home. I am hoping it is a holiday arrangement and not some flowers from an admiring ff of H.
Hope you all are well and I'll try to peek in when I can.
Take Care, SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Well, I just wanted to post that H picked up the delivery and it was a plant from his employer so my mind racing experience was once again not necessary...Old habits die hard.
Have a great weekend
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Hi Slowly - Thanks for popping in I hope you & NG had a wonderful Holiday Season & a Happy New Year!
I've been off work a lot and spending quality time with H. Really makes me want to work less...
Here are a few goals for me to think about for 2006: 1) Focus on what I can control (a la Sage ) 2) Stop trying to "fix" H 3) Start to focus more on goals relating to myself not just H or M 4) Start to meditate again and resume exercise and be more conscious of what I am eating and whether or not I am really hungry before I eat something 5) Continue to work solidly while at work and limit internet/other activities
That's a start for now. I have been reading here and there on the BB and trying to keep up with other's threads just not much time to post with micro mgr. right across from me.
Happy New Year, all! SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
bump 
Work is still pretty crazy and a co-worker was let go so more work for the rest of us 
and hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving!
