I wanted to check in and say that I totally sympathize with your trust issues. Recently, I had a talk with my H about how his recent changes with cell phone activity have made me more confident about our R. H would never take cell calls in front of me (if he forgot to turn off his ringer). Now he is talking on the phone in front of me AND showed me a strange wrong # that called into his cell multiple times. This may seem like no big deal but believe me, in our R,it is HUGE!
I thanked him for doing this and why it was important to me, w/out going on too much about the person on the other line. In fact, I didn't even say her name. I just said "the issues I had with who might be calling you." That was enough because my H very well knows who I wouldn't want calling him.
I'm beginning to detach more from OW issues. It's been very hard but I think that I am finally seeing the forest through the trees. My H is the issue, solely. OW is just an unfortunate by-product of it all. Sucks that there are people out there that have such little regard for themselves or others but that's a given truth in this world. If you read some of my last posts, you will see that I have begun to examine my OW feelings from another angle. I was as bad as OW in my past. I had no regard for myself or others. I treated myself horribly and hurt a number of people in the process. I'm beginning to understand that a majority of my anger towards OW is actually an extension of self-loathing. My goal is to clear that up immediately! OW can fend for herself.
Remember, these trust issues lie with our H's. These are their issues and their issues alone. Unfortuantely, being in love with them means that we need to deal with them but that does NOT mean we take them on as our own. Yesterday, I found my H had another online profile with some other online community. It was an old picture and going from that timeline, I can see that this was in place WAY before OW made her way into the pic. So, it really drove the point home that this is my H's problem and if it wasn't this OW it would have been another.
Going from my own past, I remember thinking during an affair I had with someone while in school that if it hadn't been me it would have been any one of the women in the dept. I recognized that this man needed to and was going to be with someone while he was going through what he was going through. (Don't ask why I was a willing participant. I'm already taking up too much space!) Sadly enough, I just happened to be the first in line of many girls. Point is, this is our H's way of dealing with challenging situations. What needs to happen is for us to be honest and clear-headed with ourselves about the entire sitch. I believe that will help us to be compassionate and intelligent about how to move forward with our R's.
