Hi Slowy & fellow dbers - I had quite a trying night last night and want to journal some while it is fresh. Thanks, Slowly for responding to my last post.

Got home from work and H had done all sorts of Act of Service all day long (he was off during the day). He even had candles on and had cooked dinner. So, I am thinking this is really, really nice.

After dinner H opens the cell phone bill (both of us are on 1 bill) and for some reason (higher power) I decide to look at it - which I have not done since the bomb time and past possible ea with exff (co-worker of H who now works in diff. dept.). Bam...Her number is there in black and white. I go numb and take deep breaths asking higher power for guidance to not blow up (past I would go ballastic if H had ff). I then calmly go over to H holding cell phone bill and ask why he is calling her again. He says that a co-worker in his dept. who is friends with exff told him she was doing an upcoming sporting event so he called her to see how it went. Folks, I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt here...I ask when he last saw her and he says at a work meeting a few weeks ago. I compose myself and take dog for a long walk...Come back and ask a few more questions. Ask him if he would speak to her on the phone in front of me or let me see any text messages to her. He says yes she's JUST a FRIEND and I never allow him to have ff and there are no text messages to see (during past poss ea there were many, many cell calls and text messages but no proof of anything. I don't think my H believes the whole EA concept. He even discussed our problems with her 2 years ago when this mess errupted.

So, I am trying hard to trust him again and feel myself cooling toward him (defense mech.).

Please give me your thoughts, feedback...I have to get back to work now.

Thanks,
SP

According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."