Why won't the universe leave me and my H alone!!! I guess I have an attitude this morning...Me & my H are planning a trip for this winter that involves a sporting activity. Well, I had mentioned it to my GMF a while back. Forward to last night at dinner with my GMF and he said he would like to go and could I e-mail him the info. I was stunned to say the least. I will not be forwarding him the info period. He is a former co-worker who I go to dinner with about once a month. How do I brooch this if he brings it up again? I was thinking of saying it was a second honeymoon for H and I so that would discourage him? I feel bad for GMF as he still lives with his parents and has never had a SO. How do I gently handle this? I am really shocked that he even said this. He had had 2 drinks last night so part of me wants to chalk it up to that and forget about it. Another annoyance of this trip is that annoying FF has said she is going there too to do sporting event. I have no idea if she planned this after hearing that H was doing it or not. Now, what had seemed like a nice get away for H & I is turning into a nightmare
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
1) Spent whole weekend with H 2) Had a nice date on Sunday 3) H taking care of the dog more lately 4) H called me from the road asking if I wanted take-out 5) H sought me out this am before leaving for work
I am finding that if I don't list positive things, my mind can downward spiral quickly.
Trying to deal with the fact that H's ff is still a co-worker (but mainly at diff. location now) and I will have to deal with her in the future. There's an event in Oct. and of course she said she will be there. Not surprised as she appears to jump at the chance to be anywhere H will be.
Work is in busy season so that keeps my mind from wandering and checking H's e-mail but less time to post so I read and if time permits post something.
Take care all, SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
I don't have time for an update (work is insane these days) but I have been reading when I can and also have reviewed some of my old threads from 2003. This is a long road for most of us...I guess I needed to remind myself that the problems didn't arise overnight and therefore take time to mend...Have a good night, all
SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
I was on vacation last week. Went with H on a work trip which went pretty well. He started feeling stressed with work at home so we went home early. I did a pretty good job of acting as if even thou I did not want to leave.
My work is still insane and very busy. I am trying to keep up with my work which allows little BB time
H is sick right now so I have to be careful not to baby him too much. It is a tough balance of doing too much or not enough.
Slowly - I hope all is going smoothly with you & NG. I will have to check in on you soon!
Take Care all, SP
PS - I went on a sporting event with H and really impressed him This is normally something I am not too good at. ff was there but H hung with me the whole time.
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Hi All! No, I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth...just very busy at work and not so easy to post these days.
Things are going well with H. He was sick for about 2 weeks so there was not much PI It kinda reminded me of bomb time but I had to remind myself not to take his illness personally. I hope we can get back into the PI now that he seems better
Annoyance of the moment: We went to that work event of Hs and it went well and he totally hung out with me the whole time not ff. Anyway, his boss e-mailed him copies of all the photos and ff is very photogenic and I am NOT. Trust me, I look better in person than photos. So, I was a little upset that H had all these pics with ff looking good and me looking not so good. Trying to not let it get to me as we had a great time and I always have the tendancy to be non-photogenic (most of my adult life).
H and I have a big date Sat. for dinner in town and the theatre so I am excited and trying to forget ff in those pics.
Any words of wisdom out there for me
Take Care all, SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Hi SP - I understand the busy and not easy to post situation only too well Makes me feel ungrounded, when I'm not able to sit down and reflect a bit.
Not long to go before the Sat nite date - remember to keep expectations down ok? What will you be doing that is different from normal, that would make H sit up and take note?
Hi Slowly - Thanks for checking in and the reminder re: expectations. I definitely needed to ground myself as I was soooooooooo looking forward to the date.
Anyway, here's my update. We had a really nice time but I am finding myself impatient at the areas that still haven't come full circle since the bomb time. He's much more quiet and the pda is nill. We over the weekend which was reassuring but he still is somewhat mlc-ish. He used to be sooooooooooo talkative and over the top with pda
All this has made me feel edgy. He also mentioned a sporting event with ff. I just acted like he was talking about anyone and did not make a big deal. So, of course today I check e-mail (seem to do this when anxious) and he saved a response from ff in a folder. It was just a yes to the other sporting event and read totally harmless one liner BUT why would he keep it in a folder like that????
Well, I have to get back to work.
Any ideas besides the obvious of focusing on what I can control
Take Care, SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Hey there - I completely understand the runaway expectations, the impatience for progress and the urge to de-mystify strange behaviour Every few days I remind myself that this means I am still focusing on him, and not on me, and guess what? When I do focus on me, he does the same! One lesson I learnt is that when I have friends who 'celebrate' me, he becomes more gushy. Its like if someone else appreciates me, he is happier to do the same. Have not figured this out
Hi Slowy & fellow dbers - I had quite a trying night last night and want to journal some while it is fresh. Thanks, Slowly for responding to my last post.
Got home from work and H had done all sorts of Act of Service all day long (he was off during the day). He even had candles on and had cooked dinner. So, I am thinking this is really, really nice.
After dinner H opens the cell phone bill (both of us are on 1 bill) and for some reason (higher power) I decide to look at it - which I have not done since the bomb time and past possible ea with exff (co-worker of H who now works in diff. dept.). Bam...Her number is there in black and white. I go numb and take deep breaths asking higher power for guidance to not blow up (past I would go ballastic if H had ff). I then calmly go over to H holding cell phone bill and ask why he is calling her again. He says that a co-worker in his dept. who is friends with exff told him she was doing an upcoming sporting event so he called her to see how it went. Folks, I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt here...I ask when he last saw her and he says at a work meeting a few weeks ago. I compose myself and take dog for a long walk...Come back and ask a few more questions. Ask him if he would speak to her on the phone in front of me or let me see any text messages to her. He says yes she's JUST a FRIEND and I never allow him to have ff and there are no text messages to see (during past poss ea there were many, many cell calls and text messages but no proof of anything. I don't think my H believes the whole EA concept. He even discussed our problems with her 2 years ago when this mess errupted.
So, I am trying hard to trust him again and feel myself cooling toward him (defense mech.).
Please give me your thoughts, feedback...I have to get back to work now.
Thanks, SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Slowly
This is normally something I am not too good at. ff was there but H hung with me the whole time. 
It kinda reminded me of bomb time but I had to remind myself not to take his illness personally. I hope we can get back into the PI now that he seems better 
Makes me feel ungrounded, when I'm not able to sit down and reflect a bit. 
Every few days I remind myself that this means I am still focusing on him, and not on me, and guess what? When I do focus on me, he does the same! One lesson I learnt is that when I have friends who 'celebrate' me, he becomes more gushy. Its like if someone else appreciates me, he is happier to do the same. Have not figured this out 
