Former poster - Thought M was back on track

[sage]

Hi SP1,

If it's got to stop, well, stop it! I know I'm being simplistic and believe me, girlfriend, I am the queen of jealous feelings and worries about FFs and all of that but you KNOW it's making you feel anxious and you KNOW it makes it harder to act as if and you KNOW it's not something you can control so step away from the computer and let's get focused back on YOU and your h.

Breathe deeply and the next time you get the urge say something like "I am not doing myself any favors by snooping. I will take better care of myself." or something that feels right to you!

Now, it sounds to me like you can keep yourself quite busy with goals and positives and the like -- so much that you're not going to have time to do any snooping!

You said that WOA are h's LL -- saying "thank you" is great. Sometimes I say ('cause it's true) "It really makes my life so much easier (calmer, whatever) when you do XYZ! Thank you so much!". Sometimes I say "why are you so good to me?" ('cause it's true) and sometimes I say "I'm so lucky" ('cause it's true). You can mix up what you say but just say something to convey that you've noticed that he's done some AOS.

You've mention acting "as if" as an important part of your DB'ing before...can I ASSume that you're focusing on that? You also mentioned doing stuff together outside of the house was a big help, too -- how are you doing with that?

As for h's job, I am the poster child for the notion that a happily employed h = a happier m! when he's complaining about it, you don't have to say anything that's even remotely controlling in order to be supportive -- just say something like "tell me more" or "what's your dream job" or "what did you want to be when you were a kid" or "what else would you see yourself doing" or anything that conveys earnest interest and openness to him pursuing something else (assuming that you are open to that). Also, his complaining that you guys don't get to see each other sounds like a big plea for some QT with you -- what are you going to do about that?

You've got finite energy, friend. Use it for the stuff that you can control and have an impact on. You've been successful DB'ing before so you KNOW you can do it!!!

Sage