Hi Rottzilla - Thanks for stopping by Unfortunately, the piece of paper was gone this am. It had her internal work extensions on it too. If it appears on the counter again I will think about saying what you suggested. He is one of those guys that doesn't like being asked too many questions. Gets defensive and then tries to mind read what I was asking and will put an accusing twist to it.
Will your H be posting soon? I saw you had a thread in SSM but I have not had a chance to read it.
Take Care, SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Update: Well, I did ask H about the piece of paper but I did it in an appropriate manner that caused no harm
I just asked was there some problem going on at work that he needed to call xxxx at home? He said no it was not xxx's number. An employee did not show up to work so he had to call xxxx's internal work number for the employee's home and cell number to be tracked down. Whew! I do feel better now as my mind tends to go into crazy scenarios. Slowly - you were right!!!
He's also saying he misses more and more and even wanted me to play hooky from work today with him (he works later tonight) but I could not. It's way too busy here. So, I've sent him an e-mail and will call him at lunch so he doesn't feel so disconnected. He even said I should quit my job since we never see each other but that is not something I am planning on doing right now. Maybe once the M is solid and we begin to think about starting a family. I just hope he can sort out his work and other issues so we can move forward on more solid ground
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Hey there - Glad you were able to clear up that number query, I know something like that would have wound me up no end too
Quote: He's also saying he misses more and more and even wanted me to play hooky from work today with him (he works later tonight) but I could not. It's way too busy here.
Is flexi-time an option where you work, so that you can sometimes play hooky and catch up at nite when he is at work anyway? These 'naughty' episodes are quite important in creating a sense of excitement.
Hi Slowly - Thanks for popping over to my thread .
You asked: Is flexi-time an option where you work, so that you can sometimes play hooky and catch up at nite when he is at work anyway? These 'naughty' episodes are quite important in creating a sense of excitement.
Well, I wish it was as easy as that but his job has a different schedule from week to week and unfortunately, even if he switches jobs it will be like that as that is how his field works It definitely has caused problems for us. So, some weeks he has a couple of days and some nights or other weeks all nights and weekends. Not conducive to M building but I am trying to work with it. Pre-bomb I was always complaining and that obviously is something that doesn't work. I wouldn't be able to ask my job to change week to week. I know I have passed up in order to get into work on time...
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Hi there SP1 - Seems like a tough situation to live with
Quote: some weeks he has a couple of days and some nights or other weeks all nights and weekends. Not conducive to M building but I am trying to work with it. Pre-bomb I was always complaining and that obviously is something that doesn't work. I wouldn't be able to ask my job to change week to week.
Hi Slowly! I hope you and NG had a wonderful weekend
My parents are actually on your side of the pond getting ready for a cruise...wish I was there too
Well, my H is now seriously talking about meeting with his bosses to see about reducing the nights he is working. He is really being taken advantage of and finally is saying he going to do something about it. I don't know why it takes him so long to do something. It's kinda like what the Rottzs were saying about growing up in a guilt inducing home. My H never wants to say no to work and then has no time for a life outside of work. I really hope that he is serious about confronting them. He said if they don't adjust his schedule properly he will start to look elsewhere.
H has also been saying how he is feeling lonely and has no friends outside of work. I feel bad for him but tried to highlight that several long term friends were driving distance away (hours) and we could plan visits. I guess this is some mlc stuff of him feeling alone and with the schedule problems we do each spend a lot of time on our own
I thought this quote was apt for WAS and LBS alike:
If you have made mistakes, even serious mistakes, you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down. -Mary Pickford
Well, all have a great day
SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
I am sitting on a 24 hour rule issue so I am writing a list to help me NOT bring up an annoying FF of my H from his work. I have met her many times. She no longer works at his location but still works for the company. He saw her the other night at work and told me about it (which is a positive). I don't want to make a big deal about an e-mail I saw from her that seemed flirty. I do not believe my H is doing anything wrong but I think this FF is bad news. Her H divorced her last year and I think she has always been rather flirty with male co-workers. I don't know the specifics of why he left her but shall we say she seems to have a roving eye. Anyway, here is my list:
1) Things are going really well with H right now don't want to bring up FF and cause a rift between us 2) She no longer works at his location so he doesn't see her at work as much 3) She had a MF which she brought to a couple of the last work functions - hope he becomes BF 4) She is not physically my H's type. Not particularly attractive and I have seen pics of all my Hs exes before us. He has referred to her as a sister type before. 5) Last function we were at we didn't even mingle with her. Sometimes she glops onto us if she has no date and acts flirty with my H. She is one of those FF that has more male friends and always wants to be the center of conversations. I am tired of wasting my precious energy on her so I will end here.
Any feedback or input would be great!
SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
I was catching up on some of your last posts. I agree that it is not worth your time to obsess over H's FF. I had a great session with my C last night. I'm beginning to work on my control issues within myself and then begin to apply them to my M. A big issue of control for me is obsessive thinking. I dwell on OW all the time and if I am not dwelling then I am trying to find ways to trash her in convos with my H. Not directly trash her but rather trash things that I know about her. I got this info from reading her blog page which I have since stopped doing. Bu basically any way that I could make her look bad, I would. Sneaky, stupid, and a complete waste of time.
My H finally called me on some of those things this morning while we walked into work together. He wasn't mad or judgemental, he just called me on it. I hate to have to admit that he was right and then I'm also insecure that he will bond with her at work or think that she is somehow better than me. Point is, while she may be a threat and is completely inappropriate, H is married to me and is working on making our M work. I need to show him that I can get over OW issue by moving away from talking about anything related to her. It's going to be hard but my C gave me a good method to try. She said for me to give myself 30 mins a day to obsess about OW. I must use the whole 30 mins to do this. Afterwards, I cannot think about her and to use any means necessary for thought stopping. Not only can I not think about her but I also can't do things like slam her in conversation.
I thought my C's suggestion was a great idea but I didn't see that it was absolutely necessary for the sake of my M until my convo with my H this morning.
Hi Sikan - Thanks for your input and agreement of not wasting my time with FF. I think that is great that you are addressing your issue with your C and her idea sounds really good. I believe there was a thought stopping thread in Newcomers at the top that might also have some good info.
I now have another annoyance that has popped up. H's sister wants to borrow a big chunk of money and I know he won't say no. She is divorced with 3 kids and is trying to go back to school. Anyway, she says she will pay him back when the loan money comes thru but I KNOW for a FACT that she won't and this could become an endless money drain. What do I do? He makes most of the money. My salary is tiny so how can I say anything? Oh, and of course she only contacts him when she wants $$$.
I better DO my yoga tonight before all these stressors cause me to go nuts
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Unfortunately, the piece of paper was gone this am. It had her internal work extensions on it too. If it appears on the counter again I will think about saying what you suggested. He is one of those guys that doesn't like being asked too many questions. Gets defensive and then tries to mind read what I was asking and will put an accusing twist to it. 
It definitely has caused problems for us. So, some weeks he has a couple of days and some nights or other weeks all nights and weekends. Not conducive to M building but I am trying to work with it. Pre-bomb I was always complaining and that obviously is something that doesn't work. I wouldn't be able to ask my job to change week to week. I know I have passed up 
in order to get into work on time... 
