Also, I spoke to my H on my lunch break and he has made plans for himself for tomorrow am. It's an athletic type thing I don't do. I reacted positively but inside I am scared he will meet someone there. That was a pre bomb issue where I would get jealous and want to do everything together. I stopped doing/acting that way but it is hard for me not to worry he will meet someone else who shares the same athletic hobbies.
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Just seeing if anyone has any suggestions or ideas???
Hope you all had a nice Memorial Day Weekend!
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Hi Sage - Well, to some degree I could. The problem is he is on one end of the athletic spectrum and I am on the other. I guess you could say I am average in the fitness category and he is very competitive. I do think this is an area which we could do some bonding since athletics is very important to him. I go to the gym alone, do my classes and dvds at home while he engages in more competitive sports. I did mention getting my bike tuned up so I could go next time. At first he said he could take it in for me but then later he said maybe male friend would like to do it with him (more his speed). One of his bomb things was that we have nothing in common...Thanks for looking at my sitch
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Here's a quote I ran across today that I want to save and reflect upon:
You, just as you are, and your life here, right now, are all there is and all you need to know. You don't have to do anything special. Mostly, you have to be open to meeting face to face, and even dancing with, the truth that pertains to your life right now. You have to find a way to collect your fractured pieces, examine them, and then accept them as part of who you are. Acceptance is about transformation, but it's also, and more importantly, about working with what is. (Angel Kyodo Williams)
Nothing real new to report. H still seems cool and distant. Guess I am going with the "do nothing" approach right now
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
A couple of positives from last night: 1) H carried up groceries from my car without me asking for help (AOS) 2) H walked and fed dog voluntarily (AOS)
Do people who do AOS like WOA? I am thinking that I have depleted his love tank over the years with little or no WOA. Any suggestions for upping the WOAs? I should really re-read LL book. He always gets excited when he wins awards or when people at work compliment him on his work (WOA). I have tried complimenting him but I think he still has some MLC/depression and always says "no, I'm not" or "why would you think that".
Help?!
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Did you thank him verbally for the AOS? My whole M changed when I started noting and thanking h for the things he does. Simple "Thanks for taking out the garbage" words work just great.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Ugh...I was in a not so great mood so I don't remember if I did. I have been analyzing him so much lately that I have forgotten what works. Yes, I have thanked him for his AOS in the past and it definitely works. He seems to do more of them and thanks me for doing them too. So, in addition to the WOA, should I up the AOS since that seems to be how he shows his LL? Also, what other ways can you show WOA? I do the compliment route and the thanking for AOS which you reminded me of but what else do WOA people want to hear??? His past possible EA involved a lot of talking on the cell phone and text messages so I obviously wasn't giving him what he needed back then ...BREATHE...BREATHE...
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
Nothing too new to report as H worked most of the weekend. I did some GAL stuff and tons of AOS. He still seems withdrawn but I tried some light PT before I left for work and he seemed semi responsive.
If anyone has any advice or suggestions, that would be helpful
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
SP, I have a SIL who it would appear has AOS for her love language. She is forever doing, doing for other people. It took me a long time to realize that she does this not because it's how she shows her love but because she wants the WOA. (have I used enough acronyms yet, LOL, oops there was another one) She through and through craves kind words and people to sympathize with her. When you talk to her, she is likely to start out with what a horrible week she had so that the other person says, Oh my you poor thing..you do so much!
Watch your H closely and see if it is the kind words that he responds to, more than the AOS. And, you know what I've found? Whatever it is that we, thru our own description, have been lax in doing to or for our mates, is usually the one thing they need the most. It would be funny if it weren't so widespread and with often tragic consequences.
Anyway, try some WOA and see how he responds to that. Let us know!
...BREATHE...BREATHE...