You have to decide if you want to fight for your marriage or not. When I say fight, I am talking serious effort and pain.
Here is the deal. Life has served you up a crap sandwich, and you have no choice but to eat it. Pain has entered your life, and it is NOT going away. The only way to get to the other side of this pain is to walk through it.
There is much to tell you, but you can't absorb it all right now.
Please read the posts between csw and NOPkins over the past several months. That will save me a lot of typing, and get you something to sink your teeth into.
Find out the extent of her affair. Do NOT confront her yet. Get evidence. Just to get you past the pain, you can assume that the affair was physical at some point. Her contact with the other man has re-ignited issues with her, if it was ever over. I have strongly suspected that the affair has never stopped.
This is why a person that was once involved in an affair should NEVER have contact with that person again. If that means leaving a job or moving to another state, that is what you do.
Snoop. Find out what is going on, hire a private investigator if you need to. Get evidence. Once you have evidence, you will expose the affair. That includes telling the other man's wife.
Before all that, you will have to get calm, and do NOT get desperate with your wife. It will drive her further away.
This is not going to happen fast. Divorces don't happen overnight. You can NOT control her, so don't try. DO tell her what you like or don't.
You need to let me know what your intentions are regarding your marriage. If you decide to fight, I can provide you with some additional resources. I am not sure that I have the time available to coach you directly, but I can put you in touch with some folks that can.
Oh and this is just the start of the battle. Your wife told you to just accept it. That is something that you most certainly do NOT have to accept.
Lastly, I need you to pay particular attention to this. All cheaters are liars. You simply can't do one without the other. That means that from this point on, you can not believe ANYTHING your wife says. You can not trust her. You can not trust her with your children.
You have to decide whether or not you are going to be the hero for your marriage. Since you are currently the sane one in your marriage, you are now the kids hero and they are your primary responsibility. Period. They have been betrayed just like you, and they ABSOLUTELY ARE GOING TO BE AFFECTED by the ordeal unfolding in your life. You be their hero, regardless of what happens to your marriage.
Do NOT let your wife lead you to divorce. Don't sign anything. Don't agree to anything. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME. If someone has to move out, she can. She is the one making bad choices here. You keep the kids.
Your wife will try to blame anything and everything that she perceives as wrong, on you. She will try to pick fights with you so that she can justify visits with the other man. Don't react to her efforts.
One more thing. Prepare to learn more about everything in a shorter time period than you ever thought possible. The learning curve on affairs is steep.
I know your brain is on fire right now. Go cut the grass and think it through.
Sorry, Coach.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
