Well all, Anniversary was last night. Yesterday am, I had 2 dozen roses by her bathroom sink when she got up and a little card telling her I love her and need her. She thanked me for the roses and gave me a hug and kiss.
We spent the day doing little things around the house with the kids. We seperately went out and did some errands.
We went to a very nice restaurant for dinner. I wrote her a very heartfelt card telling her that I am willing to fight for our M, that I love, want and need her. Told her that the last year has been difficult but that I have learned a lot and have more to learn and that I understand that my criticism over the years has hurt her and put her in a place where she just can't feel for me anymore. I ended by saying that I really want many years of happy marriage with her.
She said the card was beautiful. She gave me a funny card, no thoughts inside, but it was funny.
Later in the dinner she said that my pushing for things to improve is not helping. She said that she is "tired" right now- tired of the pressure of trying, always having to think about our R and the pressure to regain her desire for me. She doesn't know if these feelings will come back (still feels this way after working on things for 6 mo.).
So obviously I was hurt, but did not tell her so. I said I understood and that she would eventually find that she really loves me or just can't try anymore. I reiterated that I love her and that I intend to keep trying. We came home and watched Pretty Woman together-love that movie. Kissed good night, but nothing more.
I think she really needs a break. I don't think our C is going to help us anymore based on the last meeting when she said there wasn't much left.
I am considering trying a phone consultation with a coach, and just letting her ferret out her feelings for a while. Perhaps offer SSM in the near future and see how that is received. Any suggestions? I know I gotta stay strong...
