To all, I took some of your advice and started a new post with a more positive title (my previous can be found under "at the end"). Also decided that a username change was in order.
Yesterday, I made some decisions and took your advice and went home and talked with W. I decided that my negativity is hurting me and everyone around me and not helping my M at all. My defeatist attitude as you pointed out is going to stop.
So, I went home. Told W that I did not want D or seperation. If she wanted D, she would have to ask me for it. Told her I still love her and that I still want her. Told her that her not wanting intimacy with me is hurting me, but nothing more.
She was definitely taken back. Said it was a 180 from Tuesday at the C when we were talking D and seperation. I said that the reason is that I honestly love her and am still in love with her. She said she knows I love her, didn't say I love you back, but gave me a hug and smiled! I thought that was positive.
We got ready and went to an art show that we had talked about going to. She had assumed that I wasn't interested given happenings earlier in the week, but I said we should go. She looked beautiful when we left and I complimented her on that. We had a good time at the show, had a couple of drinks and then I had to go to a work function. She went home but waited up for me.
When we went to bed, I bid her goodnight and told her I was still in love with her. She said she knew, but was worried that I would just get frustrated again with our slow progress. I told her to say no more.
This morning, we got ready. When I left, I kissed her squarely on the lips and said I love you. She smiled and chuckled a bit.
Do I run a risk of being going overboard with this kind of behavior? I sure do feel better about myself this way!! The feeling of anxiety is gone. I feel more hopeful. I think I can do this until she falls for me again, or I don't feel hurt anymore.
Did I do a good job?
I am going away this weekend with my Mom and sis for a little jaunt. I am going to reread DB and SSM and leave her a copy of SSM.
