As you all know things haven't been going all that well in the Lass household lately....sex has definitely been scarce and I've felt my H resisting things big time....
With that said, I finally had enough this weekend. Last night we had to attend a wedding for one of my H's co-workers....I just found it too sad and couldn't stand it. Then of all things we go to see "Wedding Crashers" afterwards (which by the way is really funny!"....I couldn't get our situation off my mind. This morning I woke up already in a bit of a foul mood...as it was the only day of the week I could sleep in and my cat wouldn't let me, then I got up to make a fruit smoothie for my breakfast....and ended up with blackberries/blueberries/bannanas all over my kitchen floor when the bottom of the blender fell off....yeah! I guess I just snapped....I looked at my H (who was trying to help me clean up the mess) and said "I'm going to ask you something, that may see completely off the wall...but I need to know." He just kind of looked at me like....uh oh! I asked him...."Are you going to wait for me to finally walk out the door before you do something?"....and at that point me, emotionally strong, GEL broke down and just started sobbing. He looked at me and said "No, I'm not going to do that" and came over to give me a hug....he started to get a bit defensive too and said "well I was planning on doing something tonight"....to which I kind of pushed him away and said "do you know how many times I've heard that?! I've been telling you what I need and you keep telling me you're going to fix things.....but you never do anything about it. Do you know how lonely I feel? Do you know how rejected I feel? You've said you do, but I find that hard to believe now...because if you really did you wouldn't do this to me. I have had someone pick the easy way out before (my XH who picked alcohol over me) and I feel like that's happening all over again....and I can't take that!!! Do you want me to leave? If so just say so...because right now that's exactly how I feel...you want me to go, but you don't have the guts to tell me so."
He was really quite through all of this...and let me tell you folks I'm not a crier...but I was sobbing. He hugged me and said "I'm not going anywhere."...to which I replied...."I said I feel like you want ME to go...not that you were intending on going anywhere." He thought a second and said (when he realized what I was saying) "No! I don't want you to go! Not ever!!!!"......all I could say to that was "then you've got to do something, I can't do this anymore." He told me he would....and all I could reply was "you told me that over a year ago, so what's going to be different now?" All I got was "I won't let that happen."
So....I'm not getting my hopes up...I don't really feel this is going to change much....but lemme tell you folks I'm getting much better at saying EXACTLY what I mean to say...even if it is through tears.
