I happen to agree with you that he may need something scarier than what happened in the C's office. The fact is...I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet to be quite honest. Why? Probably unknown fears that we all have, the biggest of which would be he'd choose the easy way out....just like my alcoholic x-H did. I'm not yet steeled for the possibility of having someone choose something else over me again. But for me, it's a matter of time until I am ready for that possibility.
I am considering some of my options, things I could do to really make him see how serious I am. One thing I am doing is beginning to behave more like what he described "backing off" to be. I'm not pursuing him, not reaching out to touch him, I'm spending time away from him (when our S is asleep...I go for long walks alone, when normally I'd stay in and keep him company)...I'm not calling, I'm not talking a lot. Why am I doing these things? Partly because I'm hurt, partly because this is the behavior I told him he wouldn't want to see out of me because that would mean I'm done. No, I haven't gone whole-hog on this behavior yet....but I'm distancing myself to see what he does. In some ways I'm consciously behaving how I did before I put my foot down about counseling....at that point I was ready to call it quits....and he knew it.
Right now I have other courses of action floating around in my head...but haven't formed a plan I'm satisfied with yet. Some of which included taking a trip (with my S) and telling my H that I need time to think about "us" and whether or not I'm willing to continue on the way we are.
Stuff like that...floating around in there as contingency plans...but nothing concrete yet....because as of right now I'm not willing to do that.
As for the MB'ing thing....I suspect he may do it, but have never even come close to walking in on him or anything like that...and when asked, he denies doing it.
Oh...and yes, I've told him repeatedly what my ultimate goal would be...I've even told him what my "minimum" would be that he could meet and I'd be willing to be content with. Both of which the majority of men I've ever known would find less frequent than what they would desire.
