I was just getting ready to post an update here when I seen you had wrote. Now this will probably be an extremely long post as I am thinking my goals out loud.
Being totally dark is it's own h*!!. But I did that for two reasons this week.
First I am angry at him still over the cc issue. (and thought I had forgiven him, it just keeps coming back to bite us) I didn't want any of that anger showing if I emailed or spoke to him this weekend, since it is a temporary sort of thing. ie - why blow up at him now when I still want to have some type of R w/him?
Second, I noticed that just 'hearing' his voice can throw my emotions so out of whack it's not funny. When I hear him on the phone or ans. machine, my heart pounds, the hormones rage and I am ready to just pack up and be on his doorstep to throw my arms around him, hold him, touch him, kiss him, etc, etc!
He calls us over the weekend since he has told me that is the only time he can call (free minutes) I have told him that he could call after 9p during the week or to let me know when he will call so we can plan to be home. (my boundary and he hasn't been willing to address this) But then since we r div, why does he want 2 talk evry weekend? Our s cannot/will not talk on the phone and I told ex that s could send email, or artwork to dad evry couple weeks. I don't understand the ex's actions.
I am getting ready to send ex an email today. Just going to say, "hey we didn't hear from you this week and was kind of worried. (he doesn't know that I left the cid on!) s is doing really good. take care." That doesn't answer his ? on the money, just leaving it hanging as he did the visit ?.
As for my goals, we managed to get outside for 5 minutes here and there and clean house, but the cookies didn't come out as well as I would have liked. Well, they are nice and gooey, which I really like, but will make quite a mess w/four and five yo. The budget plans are not working out to get this cc issue resolved but I'm not ready to give up on it just yet. Same as the R, I would really like to ask ex where he stands on this, I just hate being in limbo; but I will settle down and not push too hard. Just keep the email exchanges going nice and friendly for now and see if he wants more.
