I am planning on remaining dark w/ex for the next few weeks and using the last resort tactic. He only calls once a week, but will attempt more calls when I don't answer. I have blocked his phone number and I believe he will get a message stating it has been blocked. This will mean he may try other ways to establish contact.
If he calls from work, it comes through as unknown. Can I block an unknown number if I find out that number?
Is there some way to block an email if he attempts that contact?
We have distance between us, so I am sure that he can't show up unexpected. Is there any other steps I should take to keep in the dark?
Thx for the help. It is actually a nice sunny day here, for being in the dark!
I just popped in on here. What is your objective? I think sometimes the "going dark" or LRT is overused. I know I do not call XW unless it is family related; she always calls and I wonder sometimes should I call more?
You can set up email to delete or move certain emails from specific addresses.
My goal, I think, is to get our relationship on more stable ground, even if we are div, the emotions run high everytime we talk. Ex has been stringing me along with some promises that we will get back together, I confronted him on that last weekend (which I know was wrong on my part now, I pursued) and he backed off on the promise to be together.
I also only recieve calls from him, but that has been his choice. When I try to call, even w/family related stuff, he cuts me off.
So, maybe, my objective is two fold. Give ex the time to make the choice between us and his new life, and give me some time to clear my head to GAL.
What about creating some mystery, instead of blocking his number let him call and get a message from your answering machine that you are out having fun.
I know that in my sit. if my XW doesn't know where I am at or what I am up to she starts pursuing me. But when I quit being a bit mysterious she backs off.
I just think blocking the number may close the door too far. Remember you don't have to answer when he calls, if he calls and you don't want to hear the phone ring step out of the house for a while.
jdd, yes, I think you are right. Just let the answer machine get it for a while, but i'm not really sure if I can sound that cheerful just yet. Maybe by Friday I will. Also, by letting the machine get it, I will have messages and/or his number on the cid to know how many x's he is calling.
I did tell him once that i had another call coming in just to be mysterious. I even stayed on that 'call' for 1/2 hour and he tried calling back 3x.
And my oldest son said that if he answers and it happens to be ex, he will just say that 'Mom's unavailable'. But I really don't want to put him in the middle like that.
You should try just sticking to one thread so we can find you.
It seems you took the advice not to block his calls. I think that is good. That's not LRT, that's more like "stay out of my life". The goal is more to be unavailable on occasion rather than inaccessible. But you also should be available on occasion also.
So what are the results with going dark? He pursues a bit? Do you answer some times and talk friendly? You need to be someone that is pleasant to be around and talk to.
The more I see and read on here I just wonder about "going dark and staying dark". Is this for everyone? My perspective is for those where any initiated contact is completely rejected that going dark seems good. But what if contact results in pleasant interactions/positives. Aren't we supposed to "do more of what works"? If a little contact results in positives I don't see why a little contact is "against the rules".
The assumption we all make is that our spouses/ex-spouses are going to start missing us and pine away. That certainly may happen, but in some cases maybe our spouses aren't the pursuing kind. Or maybe they percieve that our lack of communication indicates we are fine with the separation/divorce. Maybe more than making them miss us it pisses them off. Maybe going dark is just "more of the same" behavior and indicates that we haven't changed at all.
I guess I'm just saying...do what works....whatever that is. And now everyone can throw stones at me because I'm going around knocking the infamous going dark technique.
Wes
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Now I am having as much trouble answering your reply as I am answering my ex's email!
Quick question and then I will get on here again later. How do we do the moving on tactic and show the ex someone to be with, without pursuing them?
My point exactly is this: I want to reply to his email by saying something about coming to visit us again (that really worked good a couple of months ago) but does it sound like I am just chasing after him? I was thinking of planning a night out with friends if he does come to show him that I have a life too. And I can always include him if he asks to come.
I'm going to post the ex's email to see what every1's thoughts are here. and then I will post my reply so you can blast me here be4 ex sees it!
...how are things i been trying to call to see how 'son' is doing. would you drop me a email how things are going? 'ex'...
and my reply hi there! must have missed your calls and I am just getting caught up on emails, computer is still giving me trouble. 'son' is doing great, had a really good weekend and he's off on another field trip with school today. (the boy gets to see more than I do, he's at the water ski show and my class is only going to the park on Friday!) we were expecting to see you over the 3 day weekend, but sure hope you can come up soon!
I'm not going to throw stones or "blast you". Of course I'm the biggest pursuer on the board. The e-mail read very nice. Projected friendliness. Maybe a little accusatory about "expecting to see" over the three day weekend. Might drop that and just say sure hope we see you soon. Or ask when son (or when will "we) see you?
What do you have to lose? Throw him a bone. Send the e-mail and see how it goes. If nothing positive comes of it then try a different approach.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
