TV drives me crazy too. I can understand having a couple shows during the week you like to watch, but not every single damn night. H would rather watch TV than do anything at all. I have tried turning it off, and he just turns it right back on. We have had many an arguement over the TV
What if you were to say, MrsGGB I just don't feel that watching tv together is spending quality time. I'm having a hard time coming up with ideas on what we can do together. Can you help me think of some and then we'll plan on doing them once a week?
I think she needs to know that you are not going to start "forcing" her to ditch the tv, or the quilting or whatever. We all need our alone time..or our time that WE decide what we're going to do at that moment. As a stay at home mother, you know that her day is not dictated by her wants and needs at ALL. She is at everyone else's command and that's life, right. So at night she wants to do something for herself. I think if you could start easy, withi once a week, she would quickly see that "couple time" is fun for her as well and she looks forward to it also. The ME dialogue was enjoyable for her; what about setting a certain night aside just for that? I'm afraid that if you don't set the night in stone, it will get ate up in that great chasm known as Modern Day Family Life.
It was very hard for MrHP to wrap his mind around the concept that he needs to set time aside just for us. Like your wife, he fully expected that relationships just ran themselves after the first tumultuous years were over.
Like you guys, too, we sure wish we had more time together. It is so easy for the experts to say Spend 15 hours a week together but with little ones that is just so damned hard.
Quote: Mrs. Chocolateeyes likes it on IN THE BACKGROUND, whether she's even watching it or not
QVC and other shopping programs were on in my house. That was another hook that lead to BB and daughter shopping more. They had it on for company? The hosts were "like family". I say they played up to a persons ego and created a want in the viewer's mind.
For you TV haters, I think science, history, and curret events are worth while viewing. I think the "key" here is "moderation."
Heavens, I know that her day is not hers. I work out of my house, so I see what she goes through in a day. Add to that the fact that I have to keep up with work, and you can see where there isn't a lot of free time floating around. One of her hot buttons is unfinished projects around the house. I run out of time, and then a project winds up sitting for far too long, and I found out at the WWME weekend that it just drives her bananas (not that she's any better with finishing her projects mind you). I've often said I wish I could clone myself so that I could get more leisure time and still get all the stuff that has to be done done. Some have suggested I go back working a 9-5 job. 1) I can't imagine working for someone else again, I get bored doing the same thing all the time, 2) I would only make about half of what I make with my current business, which would mean we'd have to make some big sacrifices elsewhere as well, and 3) I'd lose the flexibility I have to help MrsGGB out when she needs a hand (or a hard appendage ) during the day.
Mrs GGB does have the impression that relationships should jsut run themselves and shouldn't require work, and doesn't see why I think we need to work on ours. She makes a lot of her own scheduling problems by trying to do far to much...basically she doesn't know how to say no. As a result, she got roped into running not only two cub scout dens, but also running the pack, plus she's now doing not only my D's brownie troop, but also the daisies because no one else would step up to the plate and "she already had all the materials and know-how". Same thing for the boy scout religious medals, if she didn't do it then apparently no one would and she felt it was important....
I do wish she'd put a tenth of the effort into improving our R that she does in these outside activities. To her, though, there is nothing wrong with our R, so it doesn't need work (her words).
And MrsGGB thinks the plethora of home design shows are all worth watching, never know what ideas they might come up with. And for her, Mystery is worth watching...nearly every night, because, well "it's culture". And Stargate, and Enterprise, and Battlestar Galactica, and CSI and Law and Order and.... pretty soon the TV is the only one getting a good workout.
We were without a TV for several months a few years ago (the old one was one we got used from my Grandmothers estate, and it eventually got so dim that you had to turn out all the lights to see it, and you still couldn't see any of the darker scenes). It finally got so dim that there was no discernable picture before I caved in and agreed to get a new one. I tell ya, I didn't miss the TV one minute for the several months we didn't have one.
In a way, I guess I am. We didn't have a TV in the house for much of my childhood, and when we did, access to it was extremely limited. W's mom had a TV in every room and one or more were always on.
I'm with all of you on the tv topic. I didn't watch tv at all when DS13 was little and I got a great deal more done, had better relationships with my children, my neighbors and myself than I do now. I was also in better shape. TV is not the root of all evil but the question to ask yourself is "when you are watching tv what else are you forgoing?" Read "The Plug in Drug" by Marie Winn - old but good book. The opportunity cost is high.
GGB - FWIW my H swears he needs the tv in the evening to "relax" - personallly, I don't think he's relaxing but actually shielding himself from too much intense intimacy. If we talk during commercials and we snuggle side by side - we don't have to deal with looking in each others eyes and concentrating on what each other has to say.
For Mrs. GGB (of the very full plate) I think watching tv is the only thing she feels she can do to combat the mind-numbing exhaustion of a new baby and a bunch of other kids. She would feel better if she took a walk with you instead. She would feel better if your relationship was in a place where each of you had fewer defenses up. Then you could talk without feeling fearful, embarrassed or whatever. GGB - I think you negotiate for replacing the tv watching with other activities one at a time. Pick two nights where you take a walk together instead. Suggest you turn off the tv and read something to Mrs. GGB one night - maybe something funny (David Sedaris books come to mind). Just some thoughts. Hhhmmm maybe they would work for me too. I usually give advice that I need to follow :].
My H also gets sucked into the tube when it's on. I often cannot get his attention and it's really quite irritating to me.
I understand you turn the TV off but when you do that do you turn the stereo on, put on a good relaxing CD of some type....so at least then you two can talk. I've found that when I do this, my H doesn't complain one bit. I've still got my background noise that I like (I too use the tube for background noise)...but now we have something soothing playing in the background and I find we end up having good conversations then too....that they just happen, and those evenings tend to be when we have the most fun together.
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