I agree. She finds it only marginally more tolerable than I do, but I think that is mostly because she knows she gets what she wanted that way. (she does enjoy other shopping, which I do not). My point was that by doing this together, we're at least doing something together and it is making what had been nothing but a gruelling chore into something we can at look forward to at least a little tiny bit.
Re: grocery shopping-- both my and my bf LOVE grocery shopping. We especially like foreign grocery stores, e.g., Indian, Latin American, etc. And HE'S the one who will look at EVERY item on the shelf, not me.
One thing I realized at the workshop is that we have no trivial R issues-- being on time, what tv program to watch, chores, shopping, cooking, pet care, laundry, yard work, music, noise level in the house, how cold/hot it should be in the house, money (we keep our money separate, but are very generous with each other)-- We are always 100% in harmony on all of these. We only have CORE issues: sex, do you love me, am I a worthwhile person, etc.
HP, either is fine. I'll probably see it faster by email. I've got the bb up on a browser in the background, but that doesn't mean I'll see it right away here. If it is something you want to share with the group, put it up in the bb. If not, then email would be better.
So, why not ditch the television for a few months?
You would not believe how resistant people are to that suggestion :-)
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
If it were up to me, the darned thing would be out on the curb next trash day. I've told her numerous times that I can't compete with the tube. I grew up without one, and we didn't have one until she insisted. Frankly I think it is a collosal waste of precious time. Besides, from what I've seen there is nothing much worth watching. But, don't get me started
I totally agree with the tv on the curb suggestion. My H grew up watching tons of tv and he has slowly broke the habit and is happy about that. Last summer we cancelled our satellite tv so now all we get is local channels. At night, either it's not on or we watch PBS.
I have turned into my grandma, lol.
The rest of his family is still as addicted as ever, tho. They go see movies a couple times a week and then watch reality shows like crazy in the off time. When there are family get togethers they spend half the time getting all riled up about the latest show and who's gonna get booted and all this stuff. As an outsider I watch them and think, There's nothing "real" about this! Here is the family, we're all together, and 95% of the people are talking about people we don't know doing things that do not affect us and then they call it reality.
I agree with the no TV idea though I can see it might cause difficulties in a family with school-age children. I've lived without a TV for year or two a couple times in my life and it was a good change. My mother in a manic fit threw our TV in a snowbank when I was in high school. My father, sisters and I developed the habit of listening to radio shows together- talk about old before your time . The second time I didn't have a TV, my son was a toddler. I ended up reading to him constantly which probably has something to due with his current stratospheric vocabulary.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Last night, our alone time got hijacked by the baby once again. By the time he settled down, MrsGGB was exhausted and fell right to sleep. Mornings are no good because we need to start the school runs at 6:45, so other than an occasional really quickie, nothing much can happen then.
This morning was a little weird. MrsGGB told me she was going up to take a shower (this is about 9, after we've gotten all the kids off to school and the little ones settled), so I finished what I was doing and followed her up only to find the door locked. She was already in the shower, so I just went back to work. Later I asked why she locked me out, and that I had taken her unusual comment that she was going to take a shower as an invitation (it was). She says she didn't lock the door...oh well.
Anyway, we had another discussion at lunch time about spending time together. She feels we spend plenty of time together, and started pointing out the evenings I've sat on the couch to watch TV with her. I mentioned that I don't consider that time together since we are not talking nor paying any attention to one another in that situation, and said that I can't compete with the tube. She knows my attitude towards the tube...it has been a basic difference and a small bone of contention from day one. Most of my family, me included, manage to get sucked into it if it is on and wind up in a trance-like state. The standard joke is "don't look into its eyes". Doesn't matter what is on, it sucks us in. I see it happen with the kids too. MrsGGB turns it on for background noise, and will do other things while it is on. I can't. Anyway, I digress (evil things, them TVs). The discussion came up at lunch because she told me she had to get her boy scouts (not just our kids) started on their boy scout religious medals within the next week or two in order for them to have enough time to get them done over the summer, and I said something assinine like (paraphrasing, my mind doesn't tape record convos well) GGB: "one more thing to compete with your time for me". Mrs: "Are you feeling neglected again?" GGB: "not really neglected, just that we don't spend enough quality time together, that there is is always something that is more demanding" Mrs: "but we spend plenty of time together, more than a lot of the people I know." GGB: "I want our relationship to grow, and that requires maintenance, which means quality time together talking and doing things we both enjoy together" Mrs: "It seems like no matter what I do you are disappointed with me" GGB: " No, not disappointed. More that I miss you and want to be close. I want to spend more time with you. Right now, the only real time we have is in the evenings, but more often than not you are either out for one of your meetings, working on a project that 'has to be done', or watching something on tV that you really wanted to see" Mrs: "well you can sit with me when I watch those shows" GGB: "but that it isn't spending time with you, that is us sitting staring into its eyes. It isn't much different than if we were sitting in separate rooms watching TV because there is virtually no interaction between us" Mrs: "by the end of the day, I am usually so exhausted that all I want to do is relax" GGB: "OK, can't we do something else to relax, like talk or boink or something" Mrs: "that's not relaxing" then we got into the discussion of TV not being quality time
Anyway, she feels we spend plenty of time, and I explained that I felt like I wasn't really a priority. She says I'm her #1 priority. Stalemate. She didn't really see the need, nor how it could be scheduled in, for more time together. Guess I'll just try doing things with her when she's doing her thing.
Thinking about it now, perhaps time is the wrong word to be using. What I am really looking for is a good connection to her, which I am not feeling right now. Sitting debating whether we spend enough time together isn't doing anything to improve the connection, perhaps I need to figure out a way to spend what alone time together we do have maximizing the connection rather than shovelling through the same tired debate over and over.
GGB and others, I'm with you on the TV thing. The FIRST thing I do when I enter the room and it's on, is ask if anyone is watching it, and -- if not, and whenever possible -- I SHUT THE DANMED THING OFF.
I enjoy reading, and can enjoy my wife's company if she's reading a magazine on her couch, while I read mine on mine. The TV is nothing but a DISTRACTION to not only the reading, but to the overall mood & environment. Mrs. Chocolateeyes likes it on IN THE BACKGROUND, whether she's even watching it or not, and this DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!!
