I think that this is simply a form of manipulation.
If your spouse can find the opportunity to play the martyr, you are no longer concentrating on your feelings, but hers.
It would also be my guess that every time your spouse becomes the martyr, you give her space from sexual demands.
And the martyrdom works for both of you, I’m sure. She’s feeding your ego in a way that is comfortable for her and you’re soaking it up because you’re ego is starved.
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Edit: It struck me that this post may be seen as a little harsh. That was not my intention at all. It's just that I can see a manipulator a mile away because I'm one myself. And I tend to call it like I see it.
