Another day, another batch of bummer. I tried my darnedest to stir up some sort of feeling from W, last night and this morning. Her rejection yesterday was indirect, basically she just turned away from me. Last night, she was sitting on her bed reading. I peeked in to say goodnight, and kissed her on her knee (freshly shaved and sexy) She said "don't kiss my leg" so I kissed it one more time and left the room.
This morning, I went to hug and kiss her before I left, and she said my name, I said her name back. She said "I haven't changed my mind." I said that I hadn't changed mine either. She paused for a moment and said "What do you mean by that?' I said that I still want to be married to her, I want her as my wife, and I want no one but her. She said "What if I still want a D?" I said "We shall see", smiled, and walked out, wishing her a good day. I didn't want to elaborate on the fact that I don't want a D, so I babbled back to her with a smile on my face. She knows I don't want the D, so her question was redundant, and was probably intended for me to break down then and there. I didn't, and I won't. She is clearly not ready for any significant change in our current sitch.
JJ, What Toledo metro area were you talking about if not the one in OH? --"Do you live in the Toledo metro area? If so maybe your Dr. would be close enough for my H if he's on our insurance. Would you recommend him? Wouldn't that be funny if you two bumped into each other in the waiting room?"
I am trying very hard to keep this mess on track. There are some big bumps in the road ahead, and I hope we get to them soon. The current pace of one forward three back is leaving me cold. While I don't think W is technically cake eating, it seems like she is. I am giving all of the attention and love that she lets me give. I am in pursuit of her sexually, and have made it clear that I still love and want her. She is getting the same from OM. She even said at some point in the last month that she had the two of us going after her. I was apalled to be grouped in with him like another POS. I am no POS, and she will lose me quickly if she fails to see that. Her attitude towards me in the last week makes me wonder if she hasn't started seeing OM again. My biggest obstacle may not be OM at all, but W's fear of changing her mind. I think once this started her family made it clear what they thought of me. With all of that crap on the table, and OM's mess, W can't see me for who I really am anymore.
I have a lot of life left in me, and I am about ready to crawl out of this cave I crawled into when this ordeal started.
My mom just called and asked me all sorts of D related questions. Just want I wanted to talk about right now...
Every day that W spends on the fence draws me closer to that same fence. I am still firmly planted on the M side , but I'm fixin to give the fence a good whack to see which way she falls.
That is probably enough loosely reltated thoughts to constitute a post. My head is lacking cohesion at this point, so over and out...
