Another day, another batch of bummer. I tried my darnedest to stir up some sort of feeling from W, last night and this morning. Her rejection yesterday was indirect, basically she just turned away from me. Last night, she was sitting on her bed reading. I peeked in to say goodnight, and kissed her on her knee (freshly shaved and sexy) She said "don't kiss my leg" so I kissed it one more time and left the room.
This morning, I went to hug and kiss her before I left, and she said my name, I said her name back. She said "I haven't changed my mind." I said that I hadn't changed mine either. She paused for a moment and said "What do you mean by that?' I said that I still want to be married to her, I want her as my wife, and I want no one but her. She said "What if I still want a D?" I said "We shall see", smiled, and walked out, wishing her a good day. I didn't want to elaborate on the fact that I don't want a D, so I babbled back to her with a smile on my face. She knows I don't want the D, so her question was redundant, and was probably intended for me to break down then and there. I didn't, and I won't. She is clearly not ready for any significant change in our current sitch.
JJ, What Toledo metro area were you talking about if not the one in OH? --"Do you live in the Toledo metro area? If so maybe your Dr. would be close enough for my H if he's on our insurance. Would you recommend him? Wouldn't that be funny if you two bumped into each other in the waiting room?"
I am trying very hard to keep this mess on track. There are some big bumps in the road ahead, and I hope we get to them soon. The current pace of one forward three back is leaving me cold. While I don't think W is technically cake eating, it seems like she is. I am giving all of the attention and love that she lets me give. I am in pursuit of her sexually, and have made it clear that I still love and want her. She is getting the same from OM. She even said at some point in the last month that she had the two of us going after her. I was apalled to be grouped in with him like another POS. I am no POS, and she will lose me quickly if she fails to see that. Her attitude towards me in the last week makes me wonder if she hasn't started seeing OM again. My biggest obstacle may not be OM at all, but W's fear of changing her mind. I think once this started her family made it clear what they thought of me. With all of that crap on the table, and OM's mess, W can't see me for who I really am anymore.
I have a lot of life left in me, and I am about ready to crawl out of this cave I crawled into when this ordeal started.
My mom just called and asked me all sorts of D related questions. Just want I wanted to talk about right now...
Every day that W spends on the fence draws me closer to that same fence. I am still firmly planted on the M side , but I'm fixin to give the fence a good whack to see which way she falls.
That is probably enough loosely reltated thoughts to constitute a post. My head is lacking cohesion at this point, so over and out...
W came home late last night, but she had a final, so it was expected. She was in a bad mood, so I didn't press my luck. She was grumbling about her job, and I validated her points, and I told her was trying very hard to make enough so that she can stop working. I told her that I got the big bonus again this week, and she seemed somewhat impressed. She apologized for being in a bad mood.
C, I think you need to inject a little mystery into your life. The next time she is home, why don't you get dressed up and tell her you have plans..be mysterious, etc. Right now, she is cake eating, because she can. While I don't think she is enjoying the mess she has created, I think there are certain elements that appeal to her. You don't have to completely knock down the "I want to stay married" house in order to show some mystery. I believe you can simply start GAL and do it in front of her (might take some strategizing) and demonstrate that the csw train is mighty close to leaving the station. All of this done with the love and strength and constancy that you have shown and I'm not seeing how she could resist it.
I agree with you that it sounds like she is getting sucked back into squirrel's flabby appendages. Keep doing what you are doing, including the bonuses--right on!
I agree with honeypot. I think your W dislikes the turmoil her life is in right now (albeit self-created), but there's got to be a part of her that is just eating up the fact that she has two men wanting her right now.....and two men pursuing her.
I still think you should go for the gold and try to get sexual with her in a way that couldn't possibly be perceived as needy. Tap into your own selfish desire for sexuality and bring that to the table or even better just go right ahead and do her on the table. Watch "The Postman Always Rings Twice" and you'll see what I'm talking about.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I agree with JJ. Let her see that side of you. Maybe a man she once seen when the two of you were first dating. That will give her something to think about.
CSW......I am proud of the patience you have had and determination. Try to keep your chin up. Congrats on the big bonus again.
I think getting very sexual right now is exactly the wrong thing to do. (Don't you love having many POV's to choose from? ) In fact I was going to suggest that you back off a bit. Not completely.
I'm thinking back to my own sitch 30 years ago. My soon-to-be-ex-husband and I still lived in the same house, but we were in different bedrooms. I'm trying to think what would have been the best tack to take if he wanted to show me he wanted to save our marriage... Anything physical would have been, well, frankly, repulsive to me at the time. (And I also could NEVER go to bed with CeMar-- I don't care what he looks like!) I think if he had just sat and talked with me and listened to me, giving me his undivided attention, it would have melted my heart. If he had made me feel like I really, really mattered to him. Not just saving the marriage because he wanted to avoid the earthquake, but because he was deeply interested in me and cared about me. As it was, we pretty much led separate lives at that point. Maybe our marriage could have/should have been saved-- it's hard to know from this distant perspective.
And yes, I ultimately was a WAW-- I left him for another man (with whom I had NOT been intimate before I left, although my H believed I had been). The OM and I could talk for hours and hours... we wound up living together for three years, then he left me. But we used to set the alarm for 4:00 in the morning so we could get up early, not to make love, but to TALK! Both of us were starved for someone who would really listen and converse! Even after we broke up, one time we had a seven-hour phone conversation. We always had something to say to each other. And no, words of affirmation is NOT my LL (It's gift giving/receiving.)
(My ex remarried within a year of our divorce to a woman I introduced him to from a VERY wealthy family and they will celebrate their 30th anniversary next year. They have one son.
(The OM has been married for 24 years and has three children. His middle child, a 17- year old daughter, is a wild child who has been in and out of drug rehab for years. She just gave birth to a daughter earlier this year-- not married, lives with the bf's parents because she and her parents do not get along at all!
Quote: (Don't you love having many POV's to choose from? ) In fact I was going to suggest that you back off a bit. Not completely.
I agree with Lillie. Don't push it...at least not the sexuality part of it. I even got a little twinge when you said that you kissed her knee, she said don't kiss it, and you kissed it again anyway. Understand that I come from a weird planet where the women say "no" and you must accept the "no" happily, quietly, and immediately. But it did seem like a bit of a power play on your part. Just a little one.
I do like the GAL suggestions, not that you aren't already doing that to some extent. It just seems like you're always there whenever she decides to drop in. Spend some time at some friends' houses.
And does anyone on the board think that csw is going to end up owning this company that he is currently working for? Geeze, you're an ambitious motherfarker!
Let her see that side of you. Maybe a man she once seen when the two of you were first dating. That will give her something to think about. 
) In fact I was going to suggest that you back off a bit. Not completely. 