csw wrote: --------------- I don't know what else to do, so I will keep doing what I have been doing thus far. Squirrel is in his new place (since WED.), so I am watching to see any changes in W. She seems to have pulled back slightly from me again, unlike last week. ---------------
That is exactly, right, you keep doing what you are doing. Stick to your plan.
The withdrawal is because the 'great plan' was for her to move in with squirrel. The plan is in play, he is pushing, she is balking. She has likely convinced herself that she is going to 'ease' into it. That is what she is telling squirrel - that she doesn't want to hurt you anymore, so she wants to go easy. In her mind, there is a different picture, and another set of issues at work.
She wants to believe all the changes in you. She is already seeing the ugly side of squirrel, and she is procrastinating about doing anything. She feels trapped by both sides. All she really wants is to come home and know that she will be loved, and that she has a chance at being something that she thinks she wants to be (motherhood), to live her dream. Her biggest problem is that she is too much a conflict avoider to make a decision.
This whole deal, was and still is, all about her, csw.
You don't blink or flinch. She is down to decision time. Let him get needy and grabby. You make sure that you don't. You walk the straight and narrow. Let squirrel bust the deal and make the decision for her.
In the near future, when squirrel is no longer an issue, and she is home and you are working on recovery, the very first thing that you both must learn together, is how to handle conflict, not avoid it. Until she learns that, full recovery in your relationship is not going to happen.
Hang in there, csw. The walk gets sho'nuff tough from here. Only steely-eyed men-of-steel need apply.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
