GGB, I am waiting only for W to agree to work on M. I am ready and willing to starta family, once this stuff gets sorted out. At times it seems like that will not happen.
Last night, W came home late. She said she was at SILs. She mentioned her sore back, and I offered a massage. She said she was too tired, (and I was sleeping when she got home) I told her I would give her a massage in the morning. She said that sounded good. This morning, I slipped into her bed with her, and rubbed her shoulders. She asked what I was doing, and I said I was giving her the scheduled massage. She chuckled a bit. At one point she said maybe it wasn't a good idea, but didn't tell me to stop. I bit later, she looked at me and asked what I was thinking. I told her I was thinking about how beautiful she is, how much I want her, and how I wish she wanted me too. She was silent. I asked what she was thinking. She said she thought that I should stop giving her the massage. I immediately got up and left the room. She stayed upstairs for another hour before coming down for coffee.
A while later, I was preparing to run some errands. I slipped behind her and gave her a hug. She told me to say hi to my mom for her. I told her that my mom wanted to know if she would be coming over for our Bday cake. She choked up a bit, and I started to cry. I know she has no intention of being around for our birthdays, but she said nothing. I started to pull away from her, and she squeezed my arms. I held her for a bit longer, and then moved away.
It truly seems like she isn't changing her stance toward me. I think she feels badly that I still want her, but that is probably because she doesn't want me.
I don't know what else to do, so I will keep doing what I have been doing thus far. Squirrel is in his new place (since WED.), so I am watching to see any changes in W. She seems to have pulled back slightly from me again, unlike last week.
