As usual, the positive vibes from the SSM BB are overwhelmingly comforting. I was feeling down yesterday, mostly due to the fact that I had two hours waiting in the radiology dept before my xray to stew over the gamut of issues that I face, and the fact that W was not by my side.
After some more thought, and time, I feel a lot better. I will not be able to get the MRI, because I have steel in my eyes, just as I expected. Today the Doc put me on hold for 10 minutes, and then bounced me to the answering service, so I am unsure what other options are available.
Last night, W got home at around 10. I was just about to climb into bed. We talked for a while. She was distant, and avoided my contact. We spent a little time together, when I looked up her wrist ailment online to discourage her from putting heat on it (ulnar nerve compression) SIL reccomended heat, to increase blood flow, a practice discouraged by every site we looked at. We went to bed, (separately, as usual) but I couldn't sleep, tossing and turning throughout the night. When I finally fell asleep, the cat saw a visitor on the front porch, and she went nuts, knocking on the windows double time with both front paws. I tossed her into the garage with some snacks and water, and went back to bed.
This morning, I woke W to say goodbye. She offered to go to the test with me, missing a cousins wedding ceremony in the process (she uninvited me from the ceremony when she RSVP'd) I was touched that she cared enough to offer to join me at the hospital.
This morning, BB was at the warehouse when I got there. He left me a circa 1880 brass transit and tripod to sell for his friend. He called me outside with GM and told me his plans for me in the company. He said he would give me a raise to an intermediate level, and asked me to make a proposal for my buying ideas. It was nice to see that he appreciated my contributions, and acknowledged my abilities. I noticed to day that he also gave me overtime for my worked lunches.
IHJ, I need to remember to focus on me, and not my probs. They will sort themselves out as I stay on this track.
GEL, I made it clear to GM yeaterday that I WOULD be looking for another job, and that I had the postal test next week. I think that is why he and BB decided to give me the raise.
NOP, my butt is thouroughly dusted off, and I am on the horse again. Perhaps I used a bit of hyperbole with the prepaid college statement, but W wanted everything accounted for. I agree with HP and GGB that the children would not be very expensive at first. W & I are in agreement that kids get WAYYYYYY to muchh stuff, early on, and grow to expect it. We are both DIY, MIY, or go without people.
LIL, did I sound like I was giving up? I hope not. I will admit that I was beating myself up a bit. I'm working on that list, and it is a long one....
HP, currently, without W's salary, we could not afford to live in this house. Without W's health insurance, we couldn't have children. I can't say that I want kids as badly as W, but I do want them badly. I failed to express that desire in meaningful ways thus far.
I am happy to share my thread, so no hijack noticed. We make calzones and pizza, and never buy it. We often buy the whole wheat pizza dough from the local grocery store (big fancy store, & good dough for less than $2) Other times, W makes it with our bread machine.
GGB, W & I would get along great with you. We feel that spoiled kids are the detriment of our society. Our N&Ns are all spoiled. Each one gets a dozen Christmas presents from Gram & Gramp, plus some from each A & U. Gimme a break, how many plastic crud nuggets does one kid need?
I am back on track. If doc is concerned enough about the possibility of a tumor or other damage, I am certain that there are other ways to diagnose. I am thankful that I avoided an eye explosion! I am pretty sure that there is nothing really wrong with me, so I will keep my positive outlook.
Quote: He truly thinks things are of a higher quality if you buy them. Me, I think the quality is MUCH lower because that company is trying to make a profit, not make you happy.
He is like BB. I think similar to you do HP. companies are promoting a feeling, not a quality product. The saying "Don't sell the steak, sell the sizzle" is so true.
The producs advertised the most are the highest priced and not the better products. A $500 Bose radio is $400 dollars worth of advertising.
Working at a car dealer I heard "Boy You look good in that car" too often. "?Look good?" What about the quality of the car? Sometimes it was not stressed. Shame on car dealers training programs, I say.
csw. Good to see you are getting a raise and getting back on your horse. I don't have any advice for you except to say you have done more to save your M than 99% of the people I know, so keep posting your experiences and feelings. I read most of your posts an am amased.
I read on the net, on a marriage site, nothing prepares you for marriage like marriage itself. They also said the same things about kids. What you don't know now you will have to learn along the way. This all assumed you and the W were dedicated people with reasonable skills and finances.
An eBay question if you don't mind. I have several printer and household items to sell. Are there better times of the day, week, and length of auction you think are more effective at bringing higher bids. Having your auctions listing closing at 3AM on sunday morning don't seem good to me. I know pictures and descriptions are very important.
Also does it pay to auction items under a certain value considering it takes time to list, answer questions, pack, and UPS them. What might that value be?
Your reply might say start on day of the week, list for XX days, and if it takes more than XX minuets and brings less than $X dollars, donate the item.
Kids don't come with owner's manuals any more than your marriage did. You learn along the way and make do with what you have. If every one waited till they were ready financially, emotionally, etc to have kids no one would be able to have any because by then it would be biologically too late. First one especially, is a little daunting. They do grow on you quickly though. Also, they don't come out as teens either (thank goodness), so they are not immediately difficult. I've said for many years: "babys bounce", meaning that you really have to try quite hard to F#@k it up. Money, Career etc really makes little difference....if anything the two earner households that have plenty of money but little time for the little ones invariably seem to turn out the most troubled kids. CSW, you'll do fine as a dad, even in your current situation. Don't wait for all the planets to align etc, or it may never happen.
Lou, At work and in my personal listings, under 9.99 is a waste. Group into a larger lot if possible. Exceptions made for items small and very easy to pack. End in the evening, Sat -Wed. I like Tuesdays for tools, Sundays for collectibles. You could group by model or brand to increase final value. Sharp pics, and snappy text, stating specs 3 times. Once in title, twice in body. State you shipping and handling in the auction, and in the ebay form. (it saves on answering questions later) Best o luck.
GGB, I am waiting only for W to agree to work on M. I am ready and willing to starta family, once this stuff gets sorted out. At times it seems like that will not happen.
Last night, W came home late. She said she was at SILs. She mentioned her sore back, and I offered a massage. She said she was too tired, (and I was sleeping when she got home) I told her I would give her a massage in the morning. She said that sounded good. This morning, I slipped into her bed with her, and rubbed her shoulders. She asked what I was doing, and I said I was giving her the scheduled massage. She chuckled a bit. At one point she said maybe it wasn't a good idea, but didn't tell me to stop. I bit later, she looked at me and asked what I was thinking. I told her I was thinking about how beautiful she is, how much I want her, and how I wish she wanted me too. She was silent. I asked what she was thinking. She said she thought that I should stop giving her the massage. I immediately got up and left the room. She stayed upstairs for another hour before coming down for coffee.
A while later, I was preparing to run some errands. I slipped behind her and gave her a hug. She told me to say hi to my mom for her. I told her that my mom wanted to know if she would be coming over for our Bday cake. She choked up a bit, and I started to cry. I know she has no intention of being around for our birthdays, but she said nothing. I started to pull away from her, and she squeezed my arms. I held her for a bit longer, and then moved away.
It truly seems like she isn't changing her stance toward me. I think she feels badly that I still want her, but that is probably because she doesn't want me.
I don't know what else to do, so I will keep doing what I have been doing thus far. Squirrel is in his new place (since WED.), so I am watching to see any changes in W. She seems to have pulled back slightly from me again, unlike last week.
csw wrote: --------------- I don't know what else to do, so I will keep doing what I have been doing thus far. Squirrel is in his new place (since WED.), so I am watching to see any changes in W. She seems to have pulled back slightly from me again, unlike last week. ---------------
That is exactly, right, you keep doing what you are doing. Stick to your plan.
The withdrawal is because the 'great plan' was for her to move in with squirrel. The plan is in play, he is pushing, she is balking. She has likely convinced herself that she is going to 'ease' into it. That is what she is telling squirrel - that she doesn't want to hurt you anymore, so she wants to go easy. In her mind, there is a different picture, and another set of issues at work.
She wants to believe all the changes in you. She is already seeing the ugly side of squirrel, and she is procrastinating about doing anything. She feels trapped by both sides. All she really wants is to come home and know that she will be loved, and that she has a chance at being something that she thinks she wants to be (motherhood), to live her dream. Her biggest problem is that she is too much a conflict avoider to make a decision.
This whole deal, was and still is, all about her, csw.
You don't blink or flinch. She is down to decision time. Let him get needy and grabby. You make sure that you don't. You walk the straight and narrow. Let squirrel bust the deal and make the decision for her.
In the near future, when squirrel is no longer an issue, and she is home and you are working on recovery, the very first thing that you both must learn together, is how to handle conflict, not avoid it. Until she learns that, full recovery in your relationship is not going to happen.
Hang in there, csw. The walk gets sho'nuff tough from here. Only steely-eyed men-of-steel need apply.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
