Is starting a family right away something that has to be done, due to her age?
Just curious..
P.S. Things look soooo good from here. It must be hard for you to see it, but think of all the things she is doing now that were unthinkable even a month ago. Having dinner with you, spending the day with you, etc. These are huge steps and very significant, I think. Plus you are doing such a fantastic job of being Steely Man that she is fast becoming undone, in your presence. She can't hold up that false bravado shiit in the face of your strength. Good going!
Slow and steady wins the race, remember that. Keep validating her but with your new steely core.
I couldn't agree with Honeypot more on this. You are showing her that she is more important and more valued by you than she ever thought she was...this is VERY important.
The spell the OM has had over her is breaking and her hard outer shell is literally cracking right before your eyes....stay consistent, stay persistent, stay loving....just as you have been. As Honeypot said, "slow and steady wins the race"....and you are winning! It's just a long race.
It's really touching to read how much you love this woman. Maybe that's part of the silver lining in all this... being awakened to feel your capacity for love and forgiveness.
Not only do I root for csw and pray for him (and all of you) daily but I admit to being a little jealous that my H doesn't present more obvious displays of his love and devotion. He has a very different "style" of showing his love. I will write about that later but kudos to you csw.
Incredibly so, yes. It's part empathy and concern for what is obviously a decent, interesting human being, and part "if it can work for him, it can work for me," but I'm definitely pulling for him.
I am kinda curious to like Honey about the age of your wife.
Did she mention this motherhood thing to you often? If so how did you respond. Was it not possible at all that you two could have started a family sooner then this? Or she is the type of person that has to have everything just right and planned out? I guess I wonder about this because when my husband and I decided we knew we had so much love to give this child we wanted. After all that is the most important thing. We also had a roof to put over it's head. But if we would have waited until every little thing was perfect maybe we would have never had children.
Also with the sexual aspect of things I may be wrong but I thought you mentioned that your wife and you would make love twice a week. Was she wanting more then this? Does she see desire differently like more kissing, hand holding, or compliments. I know you said the SSM is a big part of her hurt but was wondering how deep this ran?
Thank you all for the encouragement. I feel good about the progress made so far. I will remain cautious until she agrees to stop all communication with OM.
HP, W is 37. She will be 38 on the 11th. I will be 35 on the 9th.
I would say that right away is the time for a family. She wanted to be financially stable before starting a family. She never expected it to take so long, and we never properly defined "financially stable". I do see the positive aspects of her current attitude, and I was taken aback by the breakdown last night. Tonight she is at SIL's house, baby sitting while SIL takes golf lesson. She is sleeping there because tomorrow she works right across the street.
I asked for a 50% increase in wages today. I think the manager was taken aback at first, and told me that no other lister has made that much. I told him that I wanted more responsibility that the listers. I pointed out that I could revise all of the errors in the listings. I look at all of the listings anyway (good stuff, you never know... ) and I point out the errors to GM, and he may or may not get around to fixing them prior to auction end. Some of the mistakes are major, like misplelled brand names in title, or saying "I have no idea what the parts are for" when I told the lister each of the three times they cloned the ad what the item was used for, and called. He agreed that would be a perfect thing to get off of his shoulders. He will talk to BB and get back to me. I will remind him tomorrow. (gotta get it before the pay cycle ends) I also had a discussion with him about the bonus system. I had a concern that the system didn't really encourage most of the listers to excel, and those that do suffer from a "ceiling" If i only listed half of my merch from last week, I would still have made the big bonus, and I would have been wise to do so, because the rest would get me the same bonus next week. Essentially their system encourages me to only make $5000 in sales a week, and after than I would be way better off sitting on the stuff until the next week. With old computer gear, everday in inventory knocks off value.
I am taking care not to rock the boat, or circumvent GM's role in any way. I would happily take over his least favorite aspects of work, in addition to otther ideas I have. I am hopeful that the fast track up the ladder is open today. I have shown them that I will bring in the cash. (GM told me that my sales level this week was the company record)
Thanks again for all of the positive thoughts. I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful people rooting for our M.
Cally, here are som quick answers: I knew all along that W was anxious to start a family. I didn't know until recently that she wanted everything planned and accounted for. She wanted the retirement and college planned for ahead of time, in addition to the ability to be a stay at home mom. These are not unreasonable concerns, and I shared many of them with her. I believed that we were financially able to start the family last year, but she was still holding out (EA?)
As far as our ML, it was less than once a week on average. She definitely wnated more, but we didn't try to schedule. That would have been a great idea, because I would have been eager to go more often in the morning, wheras she would always wait until late night to initiate.
I need to get this raise to really throw a wrench in W's D plans. With the raise, and my job future more secure, I will be able to prove to her that I am capable of supporting a family. I just need to get health insurance out of them ) She has already told me that I have amazed her. If I can keep that up, and show her how ready I am for a family, I think she will have to rethink her desire for a D. (JJ, time for that cradle)
I am wishing you luck. Why does it seem like every woman I know or know of either has trouble having babies or has trouble with unplanned pregnancies. Does anyone manage to actually get their nest all properly prepared and then get pregnant as soon as they're ready?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
CSW.......I really hope you get the raise your asking for. Sounds like you are doing great there. I also think that cradle idea is great! I would start on it right away. Let your wife know you are thinking about your future and children are definetely part of that future.
CSW.....I would ask her why she has such crazy expectations about having everything just right before starting a family? Well, not crazy but just very high expectations. I haven't ever known anyone that had their college paid for before even having a child.
I can see why she is feeling this may never happen being she is 37. I would say if she was going to start a family it would need to be right away.
I honestly don't know who I'm trying to fool. I can barely support myself with my current salary. I certainly can't support a family. I am definitely not getting the raise I asked for. I don't even know if I an getting a raise at all. Dealing with the manager, it is obvious that the status quo will remain. Apparently it doesn't matter that I outsell all of the other listers, am more motivated, needed no training, and could tweak all of the other listings to be more profitable.
I guess I need to talk to BB directly. I wanted to avoid that if possible to workk through the established channels. I saw BB tonight at the pub, and didn't say a word about the raise. I will call him or talk to him next time he is at the warehouse. I don't have any time to waste making this paltry slaray, and GM shot down my bonus request as well. My only shot at saving M is by making a decent living NOW, and that ain't happenin'.
I had my eyeballs x-rayed today, so that I can get my MRI on Saturday. They want to know if my blacksmithing left steel bits in there before the giant magnet turns on and sucks the stuff through my retinas. I'm glad they get paid to think of that stuff.
Today has been a bit of a downer. I am tired of being alone all of the time. I need for someone to show me they love me too. I honestly don't know if I will ever get that from W again.
Was she wanting more then this? Does she see desire differently like more kissing, hand holding, or compliments. I know you said the SSM is a big part of her hurt but was wondering how deep this ran? 
) and I point out the errors to GM, and he may or may not get around to fixing them prior to auction end. Some of the mistakes are major, like misplelled brand names in title, or saying "I have no idea what the parts are for" when I told the lister each of the three times they cloned the ad what the item was used for, and called. He agreed that would be a perfect thing to get off of his shoulders. He will talk to BB and get back to me. I will remind him tomorrow. (gotta get it before the pay cycle ends) I also had a discussion with him about the bonus system. I had a concern that the system didn't really encourage most of the listers to excel, and those that do suffer from a "ceiling" If i only listed half of my merch from last week, I would still have made the big bonus, and I would have been wise to do so, because the rest would get me the same bonus next week. Essentially their system encourages me to only make $5000 in sales a week, and after than I would be way better off sitting on the stuff until the next week. With old computer gear, everday in inventory knocks off value. 
I also think that cradle idea is great! I would start on it right away.