As an OW 25 years ago, I ended up breaking things off and getting "uncomfortable" when things started to get talking about future and "my wife..." You remind your partner "hey, it wasn't to get this far...we'd better rethink". (at least my OW experiences)
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
W didn't specifically say when she was coming home, but she did say that she was going to sleep late this morning. I belive she still intended to come home tonight.
I expected more of the bad W to come out during this time away, perhaps during the phone calls, but she actually seemed like she missed me and wanted to talk each time we connected. I hope she has been doing some serious thinking, because there is a lot of work to do, and it is time we get started.
Yeah, a paid day off! I haven't had one of those in years!
=========================================================== Phish "Anything But Me" I am just a satellite, high above the atmosphere Bouncing everything you say, to someone who is meant to hear Sometimes on a rainy day, I lie in bed and dream of you So blame it on the satellite, when your message can't get through.
I am just a tiny wave, a minor ripple out at sea Moving slowly towards the shore, burdened with uncertainty I'm gaining power, losing speed, wondering as I near your door Will you hold it open for the tidal wave approaching shore?
You've become an island in the hazy world surrounding me Offering a vast reward each time I safely cross the sea All too often I become lost in the fog and haze Clinging still, against my will, to promises of clearer days
I am just a raindrop that accelerates without control Losing bits and pieces in descent 'til I'm no longer whole I am just another shooting star above that you might see Until I have your full attention I'll be anything but me.
I have a question about hormones. You directed me to a pretty good T article once and I think I need to reread it again. Do you remember where it was?
My H's hair has started falling out. I of course noticed but didn't say anything (he's been balding since I met him, but gobs of it all of a sudden took leave of his head) and last week he said, Man my hair is so weird. Did you notice that it just started falling out like crazy?!
It could be stress or what have you (his company just got acquired by another and the tension there is intense, people getting fired right & left) but I keep hammering him to go to the doctor and get a physical and he won't.
Also, I wanted to know more about the beer. Did both kegs turn out good? I seem to remember that you were doing one recipe with jalapenos and chocolate or somethin like that. Sounded intriguing!
Everything at the job seems great. You sound like just the sort of intelligent and creative person they need. Keep it up!
Oh I had a thought about the masseuse. What do you think would happen if you found a way to casually mention to W that she keeps showing up places you are at, etc, when all you are after is a massage?
HP, I am having a hard time finding the article you mentioned, and I can't get this BB search to work. My bet is the hair loss is stress related. Testosterone increase could cause hair loss, and acne. I found the article during a late night google session, so I will keep my eyes open.
Physicals are unpleasant, but your H should get one anyway.
Both of the kegs are the same batch. I made a double, and split the liquid into two carboys. I haven't tried the Goat Scrotum ale yet. Maybe someday. Hot peppers, chocolate, juniper berries, and more, all in one beer. Sounds pretty funky! (and just a little scary) I am still working on the first keg, and havent even tasted the second. I will be sure to do so soon.
I am not sure I want to mention the masseuse scenario to W. I would like to keep going until the trade is finished. She does good work. I will make sure she knows my intentions are honorable. The only time it seemed odd was when she stopped at the bar. She is a regular at the coffee shop. I am sure W would get jealous if she knew, and she would guilt me out of going back.(like she has a right to say anything about what I do)
I am still not sure if W is coming home tonight. I will assume that she is not, and I will be pleasantly surprised if she shows up. I just received a decent sized order for mirrors from a gallery in MD that regularly carries my work. It gives me great motivation to get my shop in better working order. I just acquired some industrial wire shelving, and will make that my task for tonight.
I received an interesting phone call yesterday from my close friend. He said that he had been coming down hard on my W lately, and he wanted me to know that he hoped we could work things out. It sounded to me like his W put him up to the call. In our conversations with BB at the pub, he had told me how many married guys would love to have my current opportunity. (not him, since he takes orders from W pretty well) He told me I was crazy the other day when I said I was going to help W clean. (I couldn't argue with him )
I am trying to find ways to short circuit the replay going through my head. The imagined flashes of the PA are sickening when they come, and are slow to go. I do want to save the M, and I do think I can get over this mountain of betrayal. I need some concessions from W for that to be possible.
I worked in the shop until 11 last night. It is starting to look more like a shop, and less like an explosion. It is amazing how out of control things can get when your life falls apart. I was very happy to receive the order for mirrors yesterday. I am pretty sure they are all in stock!. I will make some more to replenish, and will get them to a consignment gallery asap. I need the feeling of acomplishment that I get from my artwork. The new job is rewarding in its way, with the sense of a job well done, and the steady paycheck. I still have a feeling of depression at the end of the day, knowing that I am not following my dream. I do love the sense of discovery at work, finding the crazy lab gear, figuring out what it is and how to sell it. It is the same as the personal ebay sales I had been doing, except that I am not spending my money to get the gear, and I don't need to pack or ship anything. I am excited about the prospect of becoming a buyer instead of a seller. I know what the stuff is, and I have a knack for geting stuff on the cheap.
I looked at the quarterly sales report at work for the last quarter. It looks like there was only one other instance of a seller getting the big bonus. I will be sure to mention that to the GM when I ask for my raise.
I am going to finish organizing the shop today, and will then engage in some smash therapy (forging) GM is getting married in July, and just finished building a new barn. I am going to make a weathervane for him. It will be good practice. I need one for my barn, but I will work out the design on his
W called around dinner time yesterday, to let me know that she was staying at ILs. She started work quite late on Fri, and worked late, and had early Yoga this morning. She said she would be home for dinner, ( I was certain to tell her there was plenty of fresh asparagus to encourage that)
I hope she did some serious thinking this week. She will need to produce a letter of NC soon, if we are to start this process of rebuilding.
The funny thing about the call from my friend, it made me realize that the way I am handling the whole issue of infidelity is not in line with the thinking of most males (my friends anyway) but is clearly admired by females (their wives, for instance). The important thing is, I feel good about the way I am handling things. I feel good about myself, finally. I realize that what I have done is nothing short of a miracle, according to my standards. I have gone from a depressed quivering mass of jello to a Man o Steel. I have gone from the depths of self hate and blame to a point where I can accept my shortcomings, and build upon my positive traits to compensate. I know that if the marriage is beyond saving, that I will be able to get on with my life, and I will find happiness in short order. I owe all of this new insight on the wonderful people here. You are all quick to point out my self defeating behavior, and quick to provide support when I needed it most. I am thankful I found this place when I did. I give sincere thanks to those who have helped me find this courage to face the pile of crap on my plate, despite the fact that you all had to look around your own piles to help me.
W came home at around 5 today. She was a bit distant. We chatted a bit, weeded a few gardens, and cahtted some more. We started picking asparagus, and I said, "okay, we have to make a deal that this is the last time we pick from this bed" (it was planted last year, and we shouldn't really pick from it until next year) She said "We should pick it because I don't know what we are going to be doing next year." I said, "I do. We will be living here, and you will love me again" Silence followed for a while. Then she said that she was afraid I was going to hurt her! I understand that she is worried if my SD hasn't changed, and if I can take care of her so she doesn't have to work so hard.
A little later, we were talking again, and I asked her if she had seen OM. She said that he stoipped by uninvited to a house she was cleaning yesterday. I asked if she told him not to see her. She hadn't. I asked her to tell him not to contact her so she could sort out her feelings. She said that she would have to NC me as well. I said that she should do whatever was necessary to sort out her head on her own.
A bit later, we were talking agian, and she said " I have both of you coming at me right now, and I can't take it." I told her that I had no desire to cause her any more pain, and if she wanted me to back away, I would do so immediately.
SHe is clearly conflicted in a BIG way. She was crying on and off for the evening. I left her alone in the veggie garden, and I could tell she was crying out there. Hootie and the Blowfish was going through my head as I looked at her from the window. "Let her cry" She came in, and started talking to me, only to start crying again. She held her head with a grimace on her face, so I got her wsome water & advil. She asked when I was planning on dinner. I told her that I would have it ready whenever she wanted, and that she should take a bath to relax. She is still in there.
This is just a minor unprocessed update of info. SHe is everyday becoming more conflicted. I let her know that I can't come to her any more than I have without her committing to NC, because I don't want her to hurt me again. She agreed, but did not agree to NC (yet). Clearly, I need to back off for a while with the passionate aspects of wanting her. I don't want her to think I am as desperate as OM! (because I am not!)
This is where the "I want you, but I don't need you" comes into play.
Let squirrel do the grabby stuff. You be the steely-eyed hero.
Hang on.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Several times today, W has started talking about our future, and stopped herself, saying she isn't sure what she wants. This is an interesting development. Clearly she is thinking about our future. I am giving her space, and not persuing any R talks right now. I deflected her aborted future talks with a talk about kayaking, and possibly planning a trip for this afternoon or tomorrow. She sounded excited aboout the prospect. She has tenative plans with her family for a cookout. I was invited to a cookout at our mutual friends house, and extedned the invite to W.
I am trying to play it cool, and not seem needy. I think I am doing well. Time will tell.
From what I have read of your situation, this seems like a great idea. Wishing you all the best...
Quote: Several times today, W has started talking about our future, and stopped herself, saying she isn't sure what she wants. This is an interesting development. Clearly she is thinking about our future. I am giving her space, and not persuing any R talks right now.
I am trying to play it cool, and not seem needy. I think I am doing well. Time will tell.
It gives me great motivation to get my shop in better working order. I just acquired some industrial wire shelving, and will make that my task for tonight. 
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