It definitely has to do with the fact that there's OM in the picture. R talks when someone is on their way out the door...can push them out the door and right into the other person's arms.
If someone's having an affair, they already think they have the grass greener somewhere else...R talks at that time are pressure and just make the other person appear that much more attractive to the person cheating.
By holding off as much as possible on R talks during times like this...the person (who is trying to save the M) can work on their own behavior....like with csw, he's become the man of steel. He's addressed the issues his W had problems w/and is now letting his actions speak for him. When an R has gotten to the point his did....words are often cheap, and actions speak VOLUMES.
I'm sure others could explain this much more clearly than I just did...but I think that's the gist of it.
Does that help?
Now w/R's where an "A" doesn't seem to be an issue....that's a whole different can of worms...then often people need to learn to communicate w/each other and express their needs. Early in csw's R w/his W communication was an issue...there was none and had there not been an A, then that's the issue that they could be working on now. But as it is they have more than one white elephant sitting in their living room....and you have to deal with one elephant at a time to get it out of the room
