LP,
I agree that what W did isn't akin to terrorism, and is nothing like tx-cheaters antics. She would be on her a88 in a heartbeat if she had a record even close to his. (I just left him a bit of a stinger) I am trying very hard to make it clear to her that I am willing and able to forgive her, and I am ready to call it all a wash, my LD to her PA (I didn't tell her that)

I do know that they talked about me and plotted a great deal (suffice it to say that I KNOW) I truly believe that is part of the reason that W backed off from the A, because she was sick of talking about how she should push me to give her the D. I don't think that W is evil, and I don't even think what she did was evil. It was selfish, hurtful, and even cruel (since she knew about my history) but evil is a mighty big word, and I don't think I have used it once before today on this board or elsewhere.

I appreciate your candor, and the insight from "the other side" I don't think I am on a tall chair, although I may sound like it on this BB. I am really down in the mud, next to W, rooting around to find her hand and lead her out of the mess.

I would love to begin to forgive W for what she has done, but she is not ready to a.)forgive herself, and b.) forgive me for being LD in the past. Both of these things are also necessary to move ahead to a new M together.

I honestly don't know if that opportunity will ever exist. I don't think W is willing to face her humiliation and guilt. She would be more likely to turn her back on the whole lot and start form scratch. She seems a bit nihilistic right now. I don't think she sees any hope for her to have a family, and certainly not with me. If I was making more cash, maybe she would be more willing to try to see our future.

I don't know if I am making any progress towards saving our M, but I am certain that I will not make these mistakes again. I can't say I won't choose another cheater. Heck, I can't even say for sure if I will be able to fall in love again. The thing is, I know that I can face up to my mistakes and try to make them better, so I will be able to move on with my head high, if it comes to that.

W sez she is now being totally honest with me. I don't think she is, and I want to ask her about her snooping through my stuff to test her. THe thing is, she will be sleeping here tonight, and will then be gone for 3 or 4 nights, so I don't want to have a blow up prior to that. I will sit on my negative feelings right now, and know that nothing is sacred until OM is long gone.