I am maintaining my persistent expression of desire for W. I am hoping to remind her why she loved me in the first place. Today, W started an R talk. I skirted the old issues, and asked a simple question, "Are you still seeing OM?" She didn't answer at first. I asked again. she said "If you are asking if we backed off a bit, the answer is yes" I was pleased to hear that answer, and it confirmed my suspicions. I wonder if the combo of my doc visit and my new persistence are part of the reason. Perhaps OM is getting desperate. Either way, I will tread lightly, and keep reminding her in actions why she loves me.
My hopes are not growing, but they are not diminishing. There are many many hurdles to clear, and some are the size of semi trucks. One day at a time. One step at a time.
One of these days, she will realize that she wants ME. Hopefully, it won't be too late for US.
Today, when I was telling her how hot she is in her Yoga outfit, she said something about the years of rejection. I said that I would be sure that would never happen again, for a number of reasons.
I need help to find ways to show her I realize the depth of her pain, and to show her the lengths I will travel to be sure we don't go down that same path again. I also need to firgure out how to show her that I won't hold the A over her head. We will need to discuss it, once we are in recovery, to resolve the issues that led to the A, and to rebuild trust. But I have no desire to use the A as a way to show any sort of moral superiority. I would love to forget that it happened. I would give my last wordly posession, and every ounce of my energy to eradicate those memories from my mind. But first, we need to be sure that the problems are fixed. I never want to go down this painful path again.
