Shortchanged, the book is Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch, definitely worth reading ( there was a lot of discussion of it here on SSM when I joined the board a yr ago...you may want to search for those threads).
Oh, and thanks for the info on LDH's on Karen's thread. I feel that a lot of those suggestions would have been beneficial years ago, before my marriage became the wreck it was. For example, lighting candles would seem like pressure to my H ( who has blamed his LD-ness on my rejection), while I know that my friend does this regularly as her "signal" to her H. The more damage, the more you both become immune to the " normal" seductive maneuvers, which are seen as pressure/control. I have had to walk a blancing act of not being forward in any way but at the same time not being closed off on any particular nite, which proved to be too difficult a task given my fluctuating desire. I am fortunate enough to have my H working with me on all this, and in the end, we ML now on a schedule.
Good luck with your convos with W...knowing that you have turned things around before is very powerful.
