I have gone through your thread, and here on the BB I know you are venting, but there is a certain defeatist tone that I pick up ( your sn, your thread name, your feelings of depression, etc). I am certain that at home you are being very positive, but some of this tone is probably coming through as well.
It's healthy to set limits, but for now, I would keep the limit to yourself. You and W are both confused and have mixed feelings...one of you has to lead the way. Since you're the one posting here, you get to be the lucky one!
Right now you have to convey to your W that you will do everything in your power to make the marriage work. This does not mean that you become a doormat and put up with bad behavior...you address your needs in a firm and consistent way with a pro-marriage therapist. Your W needs to see how much you want this.
I know that my H and I were going around in circles until I became more resolute in rebuilding the marriage. Before this, we both would say things like, "Let's see what happens in the next few months"...it just left us both feeling demoralized.
I think that's why NOP may have wanted you to check out csw's thread...not because the circumstances are the same, but because he has the right attitude. Again, I am not saying you accept the status-quo...you become a "coach" who wants a winning team.
We are all here to help you through the day to day interactions.
