Indespair wrote: --------------------- I want her to read SSM, but shouldn't I wait and see if we can fix the marriage first? ---------------------
Reading that book is a good start to fixing your marriage.
As for the other parts, there are a couple of books that you need to read.
"Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass and "Surviving An Affair" by Willard Harley.
You keep "Surviving An Affair" to yourself, and read "Not Just Friends" in front of her.
Let her read it too if she wants, either way, leave it lying about so that she can read it on the sly if she likes. You read "Surviving An Affair" on your own for now. Don't let her know you have it as best as you can. Yes, that is a secret, and you shouldn't have any in your marriage, in this case, it contains a strategy that you don't want to give away.
I am not going to push you hard on this issue, but my first reaction is that your wife is involved with someone. Whether or not that is true, you still have to deal with the issues in your marriage.
Please consider following my 'prescription' closely to start.
There are some other books you will need to read a bit later.
As you have time, do a search on this forum for "csw NOPkins". Read from the oldest to the latest. That will get you a lot of knowledge about affairs and spouses pretty quick. Some of it will be applicable to your situation.
You are right that an inappropriate relationship is an affair. You have a lot of learning to do. Be quiet and demand little from your wife other than asking her to read SSM. Get busy educating yourself in the mean time.
If your wife is not wayward, then you will gain a lot of useful knowledge, if she is, you will soon discover it.
On your computer, keep the history cleaned out and change your passwords on all your accounts.
How are your finances setup?
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
