NOP, As MrsNOP said, I have to fix my marriage before I can work on my SL. I apologized to my W. She said she wasn't offended, had already known that I am a HD person, and that it was ok to share that again. She did mention that pushing sex right now is like putting the cart before the horse, but that she understands how important the cart is to me. I want her to read SSM, but shouldn't I wait and see if we can fix the marriage first?
Tell me more about entitlement. I don't think she feels guilt about her relationship with OM, but I think she feels that it was/is innocent. To me it was/is an affair, even if only emotional. We have discussed it, and she says it was just a friendship that developed. She was to talk to him about the death of his brothers and his concerns about his health and he eventually became a confident for her to discuss our relationship. She has always denied that there was any physical relationship. The opportunity for that was definitely there though. I am just not sure about that and if it did happen, I am not sure she would ever level with me since when we first started with all this, I proclaimed that a PA would never be acceptable to me and that it would be grounds for D. Perhaps she is afraid to admit that to me thinking that it would lead to an immediate D. Maybe I should readdress this whole thing, and tell her that I would be willing to forgive even a PA if she just laid it all on the line. For me there is an issue of trust that needs to be rebuilt. I just don't really know what happened I guess.
Another thing I am realizing is that I think we have different levels of interest/committment to making this work. I have been intensely interested in making things work and pushing for things to get resolved. I now know that my W did not like the pushing and pressure. She says she has always been slow to forgive and forget and that she has felt hurt for a long time and thus she doesn't know if she can forgive and move on with me right now. I have a hard time accepting this. Maybe she is not as committed to making it work? Or maybe she has honestly fallen out of love with me but is reluctant to admit it because there is a lot at stake when facing the alternative. I know that she wants to keep things together for the kids and has said this time and time again. I do as well, but have empahsized that it is not a reason to stay together.
