I have read your thread, and I have a couple of questions for you.
Are you positive that her affair is over?
Other than being mean about her sloppiness, have you abused her, or have you had an affair of any sort?
The reason I ask these questions is simply because I smell a dead pig in barnyard.
The whole grudge thing reeks of entitlement, and entitlement is almost always deeper rooted than it seems on the surface.
Also, your counselor doesn't determine when your marriage is over - just because they are frustrated with the lack of progress. That is for you and your wife to determine.
Just because your wife "agreed not to talk to her friend", doesn't mean that she didn't lie. If she had an inappropriate relationship, there is a very good possibility that she took it 'underground' upon discovery. Her actions are that of a wayward spouse. I hope that she isn't.
For your sake, and for the kids, you need to back off with the desperate behavior (needy/grabby/feely) immediately. Get yourself calm cool and collected, and snoop. Keep your mouth shut about what you find out. Your wife has a right to privacy, but not to secrecy inside of your marriage. Private is a fart in the bathroom, there is no place for secrets in a marriage.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
