I just now reached out and grasped her hand, and she said, "I'm tired...I've got a sore throat and I'm achy." Guarded optimism, I guess.
“And how does holding your hand make your throat sorer and your body achier?” Arj, I think you need to confront her when she throws up these road blocks. They’re probably habit now and she might not even be conscious of doing them.
I’m going to be a bit blunt here. I’ve read through the thread again. There are times where you walk on egg shells as if you were some unwanted guest in your own home and other times, your comments are very condescending.
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She did try to call three of the psychs I looked up for her and left messages, saying afterwards, "Is that satisfactory? Are you satisfied?" I responded, "You did very well."
is arrogant. It’s like a verbal pat on the head. Instead, try to say something like, “Thanks, that makes me happy that you took the time to do this.” You need to let her know that her efforts are making you happy, but not in a way that sounds like she is a student and you’re the teacher. Had my husband said something like that to me in a similar situation, I probably would have come back with some rude comment that I can’t type here.
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In response to a direct question of "Are you disappointed/upset?" from her, I would respond, "Yes, I am, but I have accepted your decision in this matter for the moment."
I don’t like this wording either. It’s egotistical and doesn’t give her anything to think about except a veiled threat.
“Yes, I’m upset, but more than that, I’m frustrated. We’ve been living like roommates instead of soulmates for the last four years. And now that I’ve finally gotten up the nerve to try to do something about it, it seems like every attempt I make to bring some affection back into our relationship is stonewalled. I realize that you’re not feeling well, but keep in mind that I’m not physically capable of sex right now either. Sex and affection are two different things.”
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Last night, I finally worked up the gumption to ask her, "May I touch you for a moment?"
This is the walking on egg shell type behavior that I mentioned. I can relate here. There were times during the last year that I had felt so disconnected from my husband that I felt that I needed to ask for a hug rather than just walk up and put my arms around him.
The only solution that I can think of is to let her know how odd it feels to you that you think that you need to ask permission to touch her (it doesn’t matter if you think it’s odd or not, you’re putting the thought in her head), instead of just reaching out.
