A, I've asked you this before but I can't remember what you said, but what is stopping you two from doing something..anything..sexual in the meantime?
Why do you have to, as a couple, jump through hoops and make your lives perfect before even attempting anything?
There will always be something that stands in the way of a perfect sex life. I think the idea should not be to strive for the ultimate, but to strive for the pretty good.
There is no reason that you can't stroke her stomach, or she can't rub your back, or you can't send your sexy emails. The other stuff is stalling.
In fact, what do you think she would say about starting off small and slowly working your way back to full fledged sex? Maybe you could take turns stroking each other, in whatever fashion you feel like, and see how that goes.
Honestly I think dragging out the start just makes the whole thing more awkward. And the more awkward it gets, the more excuses she will come up with to prolong it.
I would continue to honor her suggestions, as you are doing, but at the same time insist on some sexual activity that illustrates that you are moving in the agreed direction.
Hang in there and, btw, I hope you are starting to feel better from the surgery.
