Confused and Lost

[arjnex]

Hi, Greeneyedlass. Thanks for the response; I was afraid you'd given me up as hopeless.

I'm afraid I didn't think of asking "why not?" when she responded "no," I'd kind of pre-scripted the "I accept your decision" response. What I should do next time I ask her and get a "no" response, I think, is say, "I accept your decision. May I ask, why not?" I do think your possible explanation of "causing her mind too much turmoil to sleep" is at least a partial explanation, as she's often cited "my mind is just racing" as a reason why she can't sleep.

(It took me some time to come up with the "I accept your decision" wording. It tries to convey the message that, while I may be disappointed or upset by her response, I will nevertheless abide by her wishes. In response to a direct question of "Are you disappointed/upset?" from her, I would respond, "Yes, I am, but I have accepted your decision in this matter for the moment." And, at all times, I am using as calm a voice as I can get, low volume, low pitch.)

We did have a second discussion, which I outlined in the message prior to the one you replied to. A third discussion should probably wait until she's had 2-3 days to work on finding a psych, finding vitamin supplements, etc. (action items we raised for her in the second discussion), and today would be the first day she's had available to work on that, due to the holiday weekend.

If you know how much it's taken me to get to this point, and I think you do, then you must also know that, if I were to push too hard and she were to respond in an angry matter--accusing me of "obsessing" on the subject or, worse, of trying to coerce or force her--it could shatter all the progress I have made in being able to deal with this issue in a single instant. If that happened, it could easily be two more years before I found the nerve to bring up the subject again. That's why I'm taking the pianissimo approach.

- "A"