I solved how to bring up the topic by letting her drag it out of me. Once she'd uttered the fateful word "Sex?", that was the opening, and I mentally squared my shoulders and poured it out...the four years, the feelings, how much I missed her, the whole thing.
And you know what a big part of it is? She's been struggling with her feelings towards women.
I forgot to mention that she's bisexual. And yes, I knew about this going into the relationship, but I never envisioned it being this kind of a problem. After all, her last fling with a woman was years before we met. (And, before you ask, yes, she's been tested, and she's negative. She made sure of that very early on, and her announcement of her negative status coincided with our first really successful sexual encounter.)
She's been struggling with these feelings for, oh, roughly the time of our dry spell. She has not actually acted on them, however, as we live in a somewhat-conservative area of the country and it would likely be difficult for her to do so. I also believe she doesn't want to hurt me.
For her part, she gave me an area I could work on..."You need to take better care of yourself," she said. Specifically, she focused on my skin, and we went through several things that I could do: a hand cream that had been recommended to me by a female coworker (and that I'd gotten out of the habit of using), a refill of my prescription for medicated ointment to be mixed with my moisturizer (surprisingly, I had 4 refills left!), a technique and moisturizing soap for washing my face. I may not understand all of this, but I'll do it if she thinks it's important.
And I went into the closet, unlocked the briefcase, retrieved my copy of SSM, and handed it to her. She said she didn't much feel like reading it, but would look at it. I suppose, even if she just reads through through the first chapter, it may do some good. I acknowledged that this problem would not be solved overnight, but I do think we've taken a step in the right direction.
So, she's going to work on working out her feelings towards women, and I'm going to work on improving my skin. This is just a first step. In time, we'll take another.
Greeneyedlass, honeypot, sorry for not addressing your messages directly, but I figured this info was more pertinent.
- "A"
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
