Hi..I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Here's the first thing I have to say, brace yourself
You will not be able to address this problem by keeping it quiet or hidden. Your W obviously has some issues when it comes to sex...and sure, due to her physical problems some of them may stemm from that...but I'm sure most of it comes from her past experiences.
You must talk to her about this, you must tell her how this makes YOU feel...how it affects you, be candid...don't sugarcoat; otherwise how is she going to know how you are hurting and that this really does need to be addressed?
Your W has been married several times, has she had this problem in any other marriages (besides the one you mentioned)? It's my guess that your W needs to find a good counselor...and perhaps someone that can see you both as a couple as well. She has sexual issues...she's probably going to need some professional help to deal with them...and it's not going to be easy for her, chances are she's bottling up an awful lot of pain from her past.
You've definitely come the right place for support...just remember it's going to take time to get you two back on the right path...be patient...be persistent...but most of all be loving.
