I'm 36, wife is 43, married 5+ years (my #1, her #3), lived together ~4 years prior. Last sex was 4+ years ago, not sure how much longer, but it certainly was after our wedding day. And it's not exactly a hot topic of conversation around here.
Now, it used to be wonderful, in my opinion, however it tapered off after some time together and, as I said, stopped altogether at a certain point.
Some issues: She's been very sick; migraines, ulcers, sleep disorders, plus a bout of Lyme disease, the treatment for which gave her pancreas fits. She had a hysterectomy some time before I met her, so there are no children or prospects for same, just 2 cats. She had issues about sex with her 2nd husband, as in, he forced her to sleep with him in order to get necessities. On a previous occasion when I tried to discuss a lack of sex with her, she explained her lack of desire and I felt badly for having brought it up.
Given all that, it seems wrong of me to want to impose upon her. But I still miss her, and want her; I feel the loss. And that makes me feel guilty. Yes, I do execute the "manual override" sometimes, but I know that's not what I really want, and it just adds to my burden of guilt. But I would not abandon her; I love her, and I have reason enough to believe she loves me.
I have read through SSM, several times, but have not wanted to broach the subject with her for fear of upsetting her. The book itself is hidden so she doesn't spot it and get upset or panicky. I wrote out a possible script for that first discussion, but it's gone unused.
It's possible that I'm being cowardly, or I'm just clueless, but I really am not sure what to do.
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
