And LNL - just an insight I had while walking this morning:
It's easy to get mad at your narcissistic H. After all, narcissism is a trait we equate with willful selfishness, right? Yet, true NPD is a personality disorder - like borderline personality disorder and sociopathic personality disorder - these are serious illnesses that severely limit those who have them from having a normal life. While their effects on those around the person with the personality disorder can be devastating, the personality disorder is also devastating to the life of the person who has it.
I'm not saying that you should tolerate his bad behavior - just that understanding the extent to which he truly is diseased, may alleviate some of your unproductive anger in dealing with him, and help you reach a more detached state. You wouldn't be this mad at him if he had developed schizophrenia, would you? Well, he may have had no more choice about his personality disorder than a schizophrenic would have about his disease; and psychiatrists know that personality disorders are among the most difficult problems to treat.
(And again - a warning to all those out there reading who want to label their WASs with NPD - while many WASs may exhibit some traits of NPD while they are in crisis, if they weren't that way before the crisis, they probably won't be that way after. Don't jump to a diagnosis based on current behavior only. LNL is basing her judgment on the entirety of her H's behaviors throughout their marriage, and the observations of others about her H before the crisis.)
And Betsey - I know the thing with insurance is pretty standard now. Just it would make me feel creepy to know I had an irrational ex with an insurance policy on me - not all murderers get caught, you know. Maybe the solution is to have the proceeds of the insurance go to a trust for the child, controlled by a neutral third party you can trust to pay child support out of it?
