Quote:

LNL -
Sounds to me like H is uncomfortable with your new level of detachment and trying to poke around and get a response out of you. Not sure what the best approach would be, but maybe going as completely dark on him as you have is being counterproductive?

I think you may be right there. It was what I was thinking.

But this narcissism thing is interesting when it talks about how they will project. So he tells me I am punishing him. But in fact it is the other way around - now that I have given up on being his pal and cushioning him from his decision, he is punishing me. I know it's good for your mental health, but maybe it is just provoking him to annoy you more? If your goal is to get to a point where he doesn't annoy and bother you, maybe this approach is backfiring by triggering too much retaliation from him? Is there a way to remain detached while still taking his calls?

See below

Just thinking.



I didn't hear from H in the morning. Meanwhile I had a good think, and then I emailed him to say -

I was fine with him taking D on the 31st (didn't mention abroad or the passport, to leave some leeway)

Mentioned that I am booked to fly to my country of origin and would arrive back on the 2nd of September, two days after he officially "finishes" having D as per his four weeks. I have delayed telling him this. But seeing as he is already saying he will pay me nothing for D that month, he can't really complain. But I had a standby option for my friend to have D for two or three days if he objected.

He replied, says the dates are OK. Then says, how come I never told him my plans earlier?

Tell me, why do I have to tell him my plans when HE has D for a month? And if he was really a genial laid back chappie, I would have had no problem telling him! The thing is I had very little choice of flights at the late stage due to H not telling me his dates on time and also I ended up paying MUCH more for the flight I was able to get. Next year is "my" year, I will fix my plans and just tell him, he will hve to fit around me. I could even argue that he has cost me money and should pay up. And the year after next, he will have to tell me his plans by the deadline or I just go ahead and make my plans once again.

H quips that maybe I should work as a lawyer, as I am very keen to stick to all our SA provisions that suit me, but not the other way around.

For someone who has been to one of the most prestigious univerisites in the world, he sure is sloppy. It does NOT say in our agreement that all D's expenses have to eventually be split down the middle, but he assumes it does, because that would be FAIR according to him. No use explaining anything to him about this, the lawyers will have to thrash it out.

I assumed the possibility that H had something exciting planned for this weekend for D, so THAT's why he asked her not to bring her homework up with her, but no, it was just a humdrum hanging around at his place the whole time kind of weekend. He sure is a cool customer.

Anyway, I asked in my email whether he was sure it was a sprain or not, as D has broken her wrist and elbow and had three operations and the first time her broken wrist was missed. So then I got back the reply that it was only a little sprain. So he was pumping up the drama...

In my opinion, all three times she has hurt her arm, has been directly or indirectly due to H's actions. He threw her a ball today. It is a very light ball, he must have thrown it hard to have hurt her like that. I can just imagine it. When we have played with hard balls before (like cricket balls, which are lethal) and I have said he throws too hard for me, but he laughs and carries on with the same force. *I* have had to "deal with it".

Ellie, you might want to hop on over to the NPD site and look at the kind of thing we are dealing with here. I hope you will see that I am not just being difficult. It really is a tricky situation. The term that comes up often is that they give you a mind f***. You stop knowing which way is up by the time they have finshed with you. Thank goodness I have friends and family that ground me and tell me who and what I really am without my H there to confuse me.

I spoke to D on the phone later on and she said she was fine, after I stupidly mentioned maybe going to the hosptial to have it checked out, and she apparently cried a couple of times in fear. But now she is down and it seems to be minor. If she still has any problems by the morning, I will take her in for a check up.

This week I will find myself a lawyer to talk to and get moving on the money front.

I feel a bit calmer this evening.

Livnlearn

"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates