I'm just popping in to say I am back. I had a very hectic three weeks, I managed to get quite a lot of useful work done towards my personal project while in the other country, and D and I did a few fun things apart from the usual pottering the few times when we weren't.
But underlying everything was the stress of thinking about the games my H is playing with me.
He paid only half the maintenance for D for the month of June. I sent him a registered letter inviting him to pay the rest, or I would have to get legal advice. He replied that he would welcome it, as then we could discuss a fairer settlement (for him!) He said he would happily come and discuss things with my lawyer, but he wouldn't be paying any lawyers himself! If this goes to the lawyers, I will be getting mine and he will have to get his, no more sharing from now on, as we did for our mutual agreement.
Built into our agreement is some leeway for renegotiation as I earn more: I already started paying half the mortgage, which is stretching me, but now H wants to pay less for D as well. Doesn't take into account that I am her day to day carer for 95% of the time. Limits my employment opportunities, and lets him off the hook for virtually all responsibility.
I stupidly thought that paying my half of the mortgage would get him off my back, but it has brought him on to it!
Also said he wouldn't pay a bean for D's maintenance in August when he has her. Lawyer advises that payments are merely twelve monthly installments over the year. So he has to pay.
I let things lie while away, but since returning yesterday, H has emailed me - he wants to know if it is OK to take D abroad for a few days during August - "hopes" that her passport is OK and all. (Took a lot of paperwork and expense to get it renewed recently, without any input from him whatsoever.) His email is sickly sweet and unctuous, after all the bullying earlier ones.
My sister advises that I should tell him to pay up before I hand over any passport. I don't have any other bargaining chips without going legal. I am in a quandary, and have been feeling stressed for the last month.
So much for my peacful life.
I really really wanted to be able to get on with my project and other work in peace, and get to the stage of being self suporting in the main, but his pressure is distracting me from that. Constantly. He is like a dripping tap.
It is comical to see him being polite to me when he WANTS SOMETHING - the passport, that is! That's the only humour I can find in this.
I am having to learn to be really tough with this bully.
Any advice?
Livnlearn
PS: D told me that H told her on the phone yesterday NOT to take her holiday homework book up with her this weekend...
She also told me that her friends told her she was lucky that she has a Mum who does so many things with her. That made my day, that the kids notice these things. I notice there are an increasing number of young kids, both in single parent homes and even homes with both parents, who are latchkey kids, going home from school to an empty house etc. And the mothers are often much too tired and busy to cook meals on a regular basis.
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
That's the only humour I can find in this.
