Quote: Oh, I didn't think you did! Just trying to point out that you will more likely get a better reaction out of him if you are totally clear, and don't bicker with him unnecessarily (like over having D call him while you're gone, etc.).
I have never bickered with him over this stuff. But...
Last year on our world travels, I was the other side of the world, and getting D to phone him was difficult, being in opposite time zones (day and night) and staying with friends - I didn't want to use their phone for long distance international calls - so having to get to public phones etc. Once there, at unearthly hours, H's phone would either just ring and ring (not home) or he would be on the internet, as he doesn't have broadband. So we wouldn't get through. Then H would send an obnoxious email with a rant in it. He never gave me the benefit of the doubt. Once he emailed D that "your mother probably didn't show you my email"! What a guy!
I am tired of him being rude and abusive, and me having to tip toe around.
Other problem - my sister is so NOT enamoured by H, that she doesn't like me using HER hone to ring him, thinks HE should ring to speak to his daughter. I can sort of see her point, she gets abused in her own home, then has to have her phone used to ring him? I am piggy in the middle as usual.
Livnlearn
PS Manners sure do go a long way! Should I tell H that? Does he not know that by now?
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Can't you get an international calling card? They are cheaper for international calls, and that way you won't have to use public phones. And try having D send H emails herself - she's old enough now to do that, right?
I'm not saying you're wrong, or that he isn't a pain, just saying you need to pick your battles with someone like this, and be careful not to give him any ammunition he could use against you in court.
International phone cards are a good idea, but in my country of origin, I don't remember seeing them. Instead, there are numerous international telephone kiosks. Phone calls are still expensive in many parts of the world. I believe in the US, all local calls are free?
I have always facilitated D's access to and relationship with H. But it is highly irritating when I am trying my darndest and all I get in return is rants and abuse. I know I should be detached from it, but sometimes not saying anything is like rewarding him for treating me this way.
Maybe I should suggest to H that he at least install a voice mail thingy? He hasn't even got that. Then I could leave a message when he isn't there, so at least he would know I had tried to call. But on the other hand, it would remove an excuse for him to rant at me.
D writes emails, but she still has to go through my address etc. He claims once he sent her an email, which we never received, hence his nasty comment that I had not shown it to her.
Seeing as when I travel all emails received remain on the server at my website, there was no evidence of it.
Ellie, in my own family, I have seen this dynamic, where certain members can get away with murder, nothings is said, but everyone else is held to a different, high standard. I am not willing to tolerate this double standard any more. If he wants to deal with me, he has to be polite and well behaved.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I have an address I can access from anywhere, on webmail through my website, but you do need to have access to a computer and internet connection! Not every country is like the USA!!
With H's email to D last year, either he didn't send it or it got lost/deleted somewhere, but he just launched into attack mode (in an email to D, no less) without bothering to find out what happened.
Anyway, I just emailed H a few lines -
Said OK, I would get D to keep in touch while we were away.
That I didn't wish to be abused any more hence my wish to communicate by email from now onwards. I will not pussy foot around this fact, he has called me b**ch and shouted a number of times in the past year.
I also said that I had held out for a reconciliation for two years and he had made it clear what his answer was. That from now on I don't wish to have a social relationship or friendship, so meeting for coffee and lunch are out of the question. But that I did hope for a decent co-parenting relationship.
Ended with my best wishes.
I felt a twinge of emotion, but not much.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Thanks for asking, but I had email/internet problems for the last week, plus I am in the other country with my family now so can't post much. Have been busy with project related work and rather tired. But next week things should be more relaxed. It is nice to be away from H and his stuff. I get D to ring him twice a week as he requested, that's it, plus D can email him whenever she wants.
Will update properly in a couple of weeks, when I have more privacy!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
What a guy!
