LNL - Just another, possible, viewpoint on H's behavior: I'm getting the vibe that he may be starting to feel a little desperatethat he's losing you.
I think you want to choose your responses carefully so as not to provoke him unnecessarily, and to stick to the high road and not get sucked into passive-aggressive behaviors yourself.
First:
Quote: Says when I am with my family in other country, he expects me to get D to ring him, as he won't ring. Because he claims my brother in law refused to pass on messages or tell him when he could talk to D.
Yes, your H was completely in the wrong here, but it is old water under the bridge. H likely doesn't want to face them, and who could blame him? And H's fears that you might keep D from him are very common in this sitch - WASs often start to think the LBS may be capable of the kinds of things the WAS has been doing. (And, to be truthful, in your particular sitch, it has crossed your mind to move, which would limit him seeing his D).
I would handle this particular issue by simply saying "of course, you will have D call him. What times work best?". This actually works better for you, since it means no one else has to talk to H! You can be conveniently in the bathroom and unable to take the phone when she finishes
Quote: Next H says that while I expected him to tell me his plans for the summer two or three months ago, I only told him about going to other country a week ago.
Sorry, LNL, he's right here. If you are taking D with you, he has a right to know. Just tell him "sorry, I couldn't make these plans until you had decided when you were taking D, next time I will inform you as soon as I make my travel arrangements".
Quote: As it is the same accountant as my good friend, I got the telephone number off her, rang said accountant, and he sent the document to me by email in a few seconds flat. This is going to make H mad... but I am soooooooooooo tired of his games.
Good job solving the problem. Stuff like this - bills that you have to pay - need to be set up so you don't have to go through your H - also so you don't have to rely on him. Don't make a big deal out of it, but you might also want to reiterate why you aren't interested in talking with H. Maybe something along the lines of:
"H, I got the amount for the taxes ($XXX) and have paid it. I'd like you to understand why I didn't call you about it.
I really prefer that all our future communication be by email whenever possible. You broke my heart, broke up our family, paraded your OW around in my face, and generally treated me with disrespect. Despite that, I tried for a long time to focus on improving myself and hoped for a reconciliation with you.
Now I know that hope was in vain, and frankly, in the process you have successfully killed off any feelings of love or admiration that I ever had for you. So much so that I really have no desire to even be a friend to you, since no friend would have treated me as badly as you have. I hope for a calm co-parenting relationship, and feel that right now that is best achieved by communicating through email, which gives me the distance I need to move on with my life.
I'm sure if you think about it for a minute you will be happy about this, since this is what you have wanted all along, for me to leave you alone and quit attempting to reconcile. I wish for you that you find the happiness you are seeking. "
And I would NOT bring up the attorney issue. Wait and see what H does by the end of the week. He may cave and send you the rest of the money - if not, then you just have an attorney contact him and stay out of it.
