I was asleep and was awoken suddenly by what sounded like D crying out, and I leapt up and rushed to her room to see what was the matter. She was sleeping peacefully. It turned out to be someone in the street making a noise, around 3pm.
So then I couldn't get to sleep. My mind was churning.
How have I come to this? Living in a foreign country that I had hardly much intention of visiting years ago, let alone living in, with no family around, and a B*****d of an "ex" husband.
I guess I should be thankful that it has come to this while I am still young and fit, not later when I might have been less able to think of options. I've known for a long time, in my bones, that I couldn't rely on my H, now I am seeing just how much I can't. What an excuse for a man.
I think I need to look at the bigger picture while thinking of my future, and that of D. Overook my immediate circumstances and plan long term.
Remember this time last year, I was in a similar position - about to go away, H pulling out all the stops to make sure that I didn't forget him and his tricks... Not able to just get on with the stuff at hand - work, D, travel, whatever.
This evening D wanted to try her hand at sewing. I was busy at the computer, it was soo difficult giving her enough attention. She seemingly has her Dad's lack of patience, and the moment something doesn't go exactly right, there is the explosion of temper. I had to explain to her that when starting to learn something new, one has to start small, and build up skills and experience. No use aiming for the most complicated result first time around and then crying when it doesn't work out. I actually managed to keep my cool and go through the steps of sewing a little "sample" bag, and she got there in the end and was quite pleased with her result.
What I resent most is the lack of any peace of mind, H seems to sense when things are going OK for me and then try to pull the rug out from under me.
I have a mind to carry on as if H doesn't exist, move country and just do without his so called "suport" yet my sister says this is just the tactic of a bully, to wear you down into giving in. I can't be totally independent in this country, sadly. Very difficult.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
