H's child support payment reached my bank today, he has gone ahead and halved it. Presumably because I didn't reply to his email to his satisfaction. I really need all this stress like a hole in the head.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I am just about to leave for other country at the end of this week - to stay with my sister, so this is just another hassle I don't need. I seem to constantly use up my energy and time dealing with this, and then H wonders what I do all day?
Our lawyer says to write him a letter advising him to pay the remainder, or else I will be forced to go to a lawyer. Our lawyer says he cannot send a letter to represent me, as our agreement was "consensual". I would have to get another lawyer to represent just me.
I think the gloves are off.
He is a big bully. He wouldn't dream of behaving like this with one of his erstwhile male "friends" that he lent a significant amount of money to years ago and who has no intention of ever paying it back.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Quote: I would have to get another lawyer to represent just me.
Absolutely. Yeah, more hassle... But, it's what you need to do.
I wonder if having H receive a letter from your (not "our") lawyer (i.e. starting off with the big guns) might be more effective than a letter from you threatening to contact a lawyer. You would have a better sense than me of how H would respond. If you can find a bigger bully to scare H off now, you'll reduce your trouble down the road. I'm not sure that's doable though.
I have drafted a letter, which I will send to him by registerd post, as well as by email. This will "invite" him to pay up. It gives him the chance to play ball, with fair warning.
If this does go before a judge one day, so be it. I am not prepared to be walked all over the rest of my life by my EX husband, for God's sake.
Everyone who has seen how my H is, says he is the type who, if you give an inch, takes off your whole arm. He needs to know I am a pussy cat no longer.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
It has come to my attention that this month’s payment from you for D and myself is only xxxx instead of the agreed xxxx.
You must be aware that the terms of the Separation Agreement cannot be arbitrarily changed by just one party, but have to be mutually agreed and ratified by the court.
I started to pay half of the mortgage at the start of the year even though we did not go through the court. But this unilateral action on your part is not acceptable.
I invite you to pay the remainder into my account by the end of this week (by June 24th), or I will be forced to advise my lawyer.
I would also like to inform you that the payment of xxxx for the month of August, when D is with you, is also to be paid as usual, and cannot be held back.
Comments?
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I might just add somewhere in there that "I have spoken to an attorney and been informed that:"....
That way it is clear that you are not just making assumptions but that this is the law.
Maybe like this: It has come to my attention that this month’s payment from you for D and myself is only xxxx instead of the agreed xxxx.
I have spoken to an attorney and been informed that the terms of the Separation Agreement cannot be arbitrarily changed by just one party, but have to be mutually agreed and ratified by the court.
I started to pay half of the mortgage at the start of the year even though we did not go through the court. But this unilateral action on your part is not acceptable.
I invite you to pay the remainder into my account by the end of this week (by June 24th), or I will be forced to advise my lawyer.
I would also like to inform you that the payment of xxxx for the month of August, when D is with you, is also to be paid as usual, and cannot be held back.
I wonder if it's necessary to bring up the fact that you pay half the mortgage? To me it sounds like a justification of sorts, when in reality it has nothing to do with the agreed child support arrangement. I'd stick to the one issue at hand rather than highlighting your good deed....
At the time of our separation, I was in no position to earn much. It says in the agreement that after six months, the parties will look at things again and see if I am earning more and can adjust the payments.
I started out not paying the mortgage at all, then I started paying about 40% then went to 50% this January. I have stepped up what I pay without us going to the courts over it, by agreement between us.
Now H thinks he should pay just half the cost of D, while I have all the responsibility of looking after her. He can't even be bothered to make sure she does all her homework when he has her two weekends a month.
He is a good time Dad. Didn't make it to a single school event at the end of this year, of about six. Says he has nowhere to stay in town. What happened to all his "friends", the ones who "couldn't get along with me" around the time of the bomb? And anyway, he manages to get into town often enough to buy his toys, like DVDs, and the latest - an ipod.
We are not even divorced yet, and he is obliged to maintain his wife and child.
So I am not pointing out stuff for brownie points, but to show that I am willing to negotiate, but not be bullied.
He caused a violent scene on Christmas eve while here, in front of D. I think he thinks this kind of behaviour gets results. I have to put my foot down and prove it doesn't work like that.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Oh Livnlearn, I do understand all the circumstances you detailed, and agree whole heartedly with "he is obliged to maintain his wife and child."!
My point is precisely that. He is obliged, so whether you are willing to negotiate on other stuff or any other issue to me is irrelevant. My thought is to not bring up any other topic into the arena that he can latch on to and ignore the one and only issue at hand - which is he MUST pay you the total amount agreed upon. It is not optional nor up for debate. It simply IS. I just felt like introducing the topic of the mortgage would open a tiny crack in the door which he could slip into and muck about with... for he's surely a clever one!
I think you're doing well in handling such difficult circumstances!
