H called to speak to D and then she handed the phone to me. H wanted to tell me all about a new browser he had discovered, and was recommending it to me.
Another thing - two weekends ago when D came back from her Dad's, there was a DVD among her stuff that was one H and I had talked about months ago. I assumed he had sent it down for me to watch, but I was surprised, it was right about the time he had sent me the stinking email about wanting to pay less, sell the flat, and how he wasn't going to send me the cheque for D's new bike etc etc. I just put it away in the cupboard.
So on the phone yesterday, he asks me if I have watched the DVD.
I don't trust my H an inch anymore. After inviting me up to his place in January, he just dropped the idea when he had OW2 to stay, didn't even answer my email about spending a couple of days together here over Easter for D's benefit. He most certainly doesn't think about D's point of view, just his own.
I am seeing more and more clearly just what kind of cloth he is cut from, and I wouldn't want to go back to him. I couldn't even do it "for D". Being in his world is disorienting, and I am finding myself again, in all this mess. I never discarded my values, but I sure got a little confused at times. I have to hang on to myself.
Reading the "Why does he do that?" book is interesting. As is visiting the Narcissistic Personality Disorder Board. Somebody wrote there, that after finding out about NPD, it put into perspective the 14 years of garbage she had endured. Ditto for me!
There was garbage in our marriage, but I never could make sense of it. I did however resist it. I think my resisiting it more and more forcefully towards the end, made my H look elsewhere for Narcissistic Supply . I was Devalued and Discarded . But a narcissist always keeps you on standy for backup supply when times are lean. That's what I see happening here. But I will surely be dropped when something more exciting comes along!
So, thanks H, but no thanks!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
