Can't you just put his mail in a big envelope and send it to him? Why give him another opportunity to contact you?
Quote: The phone rings again after a few minutes. The expected backlash because H hasn't got his way. I don't pick up.
Why not just tell him later that you had left the house after the first call? Why let him know that he means enough to you for you to deliberately avoid his calls - that implies some emotional connection. Just claim to have been out.
Oh - and someday, maybe you could arrange to have a man answer the phone when H calls?????
I didn't say anythng to H about why I didn't pick up the call.
I was thinking of putting his stuff in the post to him, although he says not to redirect it as it is a credit card etc.
Whether I hand it over to him, send it with D or send it in the post, I will be letting him know that it is the last time I make an attempt to get his mail to him, it is HIS responsibiltiy to change his mailing address, period. All mail will be returned to sender henceforth.
I am heartily sick of this nonsense.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Had a very very busy two weeks with the usual lessons, plus lots of school events at D's school, and entertaining of my sis and her friend. We recently went away for three days to some spectacular mountains and had a great time, now they're gone and I have to clean the house and pick up the threads of my life. The weather has also turned STINKING HOT!!!
A few days ago I emailed H, asking him if he had had any further thoughts about the dates he wanted D this summer. I figured I would give him one last chance to say something before putting my foot down. He replies that "he thought he had ALREADY told me he would have her the whole of August"!
Well, he never said anything of the sort, but I am not grumbling, I will use the time to do some work on my project. And I have his reponse (on record) in am email. So I will go ahead and book flights.
Not thinking about H too much is good for me!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
H called last evening to talk to D, then she passed the phone to me. I imagined it would be about H's plan to take D out to lunch from school today. In fact, he asked me about our trip, where did we go? And had my sister left? etc. I answered, but did not go into any details.
He tells me he will pick up D on Friday evening to take her away for the weekend, as he is getting a lift with w3 in her car. I hope D doesn't miss her karate class, as she has an exam for her orange belt next week.
This morning, H rings, and I let it go to voicemail. H is annoyed, and leaves a message to say would I please give his mail to D so she can give it to him at lunch? He grumbles that I won't pick up the phone.
I won't pick up the phone because -
I often end up feeling used, annoyed or perturbed by something H says.
He is often telling me to do stuff that I am not going to do any more, like get him stuff and send him his mail etc.
When he doesn't get the answer he wants, he abuses me.
My PMA is way up when I don't have any contact with him, and comes way down when I do have to deal with him, bar talking about straightforward arrangements regarding D etc.
Anyway, when he rang again later, I picked up, told him I had got his message, and was putting his mail in her schoolbag. And that was that. I am going to request him one more time to change his address with the important companies, like his credit card company, and then start returning his mail to sender in another month or so, if he doesn't do so. I don't care for the additional contact his mail coming here generates.
Yesterday, H asks me what my plans for this summer are, as he plans to go away for a few weeks, and wants to go away at the same time as I might go away with D, so he is here when we are, so he gets to see D. Fair enough, but now he is all sweet reasonableness, though not when I ask him his plans! I had to tell him I had no fixed plans yet - true, as I have been waiting for HIS ANSWER all along, to plan around!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Quote: My c always had said me my h is fully Narcissist.. that more than a MLC there a Narcissistic patology... How do you get that label... and what books or sites you visited abut this...?
H called yesterday. He is having some problems with arrangements to get D up to his place at the weekend. W3 can no longer give him a lift, there is a change of plan there. He is trying to work something out. The tone on his voicemail is someting else though - "I'm certainly not going to spend the whole of Saturday coming down and picking up D....." etc etc.
I was planning to have a "recovery" weekend after the flurry of activity the past two weeks, but it may not happen.
I am learning so much about his use of language these days. Things are never his fault or responsibility, he is always ranting about how others are not there to do stuff. And any of the stuff he doesn't like about his life now is stuff I am doing to him. There is NO recongnition of the fact that it was HIS decision and subsequent series of actions that has set in train the present circumstances.
I would post more, but although it is a national holiday here, I have two lessons programmed!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
This is why you need No Contact with your h. He needs to sort his own problems out.
I take it that it was HIS choice where he lived. It's nor his problem to sort transport out. The thing is other people won't take on board his problems ie the landlord or w3 and so neither should you. His problems are not your problems.
One thing I have learned is I cannot facilitate his relationship with his children. And believe me I tried!
Just got another email message from H, we is coming down today to pick up D this afternoon. D is very happy as she will miss a day of school. This is not so bad, it is nearly the end of the year and many families sneak in an extra day off school this week to make a long weekend.
And I get to have my winding down weekend!
Just want to have D ready and out the door when H arrives, don't want him in here and stuff...
Mojo, point taken. *If* I can help or compromise, I will, otherwise it is HIS problem. I don't want to be totally infelxible and mean, but you know these characters - basically, give them an inch and they "expect" a yard.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
