My sis and her friend are here. We have been busy, and generally having a nice time. I have also had to carry on with my normal everyday commitments.
H rings today and I pick up. I assume it might be about him passing through town sometime soon on his way back home, so maybe he wants to take D out for lunch from school.
He tells me he will be in town tomorrow between two and five, and do I want to go into town and meet up? Do I hell!!
I say, sorry, I am busy!
H says, did my new credit card and pin number come in the post? I say, some post did arrive, so maybe.
H says, I suppose I will have to wait until weekend after next for D to bring it up... Then he says, can D come up this weekend? (Like he can't rememebr that my sis is here, that we rescheduled the whole month for this, etc etc )
I say, she goes up to you weekend after next, she is with me this weekend, my sister is here. He says, when does your sister go? (What business is it of his?) I said, next week.
He says, oh well, and says bye and puts the phone down.
The phone rings again after a few minutes. The expected backlash because H hasn't got his way. I don't pick up. He leaves a message that he is thinking of coming down on Saturday and wants to take D our for lunch, to phone him back so he can know my plans (what the heck? ) and then says, that I should pick up the phone when he rings. Then the phone rings again, with the caller ID not apparent. I think that he has requested his friend to try ringing me on his mobile phone. I ignore it. No message.
I was about to text H the fact that we would be away for the weekend, which we are, but then I thought, why do I have to let him know everything that I do, for HIS convenience? So I didn't.
We just got home after D's school. The phone rings and I pick up. It is H, asking about Saturday. I say we are going away. (I want to practice saying no, without ANY explanation at all...)
He says in a sarcastic voice, thanks for ringing me back! I wish I had just said, you're welcome! Instead I said (as usual trying to explain everything and be reasonable) that I would have got D to ring him this evening for his usual chat and would have told him then. H replied, you just assumed I would be here.
That is strange, he told me the land line doesn't work, I have had to call his mobile phone this last week, so what does it matter where he is? Then he puts the phone down.
OK, here are my comments -
H is ONLY interested in getting the credit card off of me, with me coming into town to give it to him. Even though I have asked him repeatedly to notify the company of his change of address. He uses the excuse of wanting to see D and of her probably wanting to see him, to cover for this fact. He didn't even ask to speak to D just now, though he knew we had just come home!
He seems to think I need to notify HIM of what my plans are when I have D for the weekend!
And he seems to think that when she is with me for the weekend, he can keep coming up with plans to take her out to lunch? He doesn't even ask if it is OK, but sort of tells me what he plans to do!
D has her end of school year sports and party day on Friday. H has been notified by email weeks ago. He has not mentioned being there! (Big surprise there! Remember last year he went off early to have dinner with "friends" (OW1!) and he left without saying goodbye to D. She couldn't believe it and told me her Dad wouldn't do that... )
I have been reading up about the techniques narcissists and other disordered people use to manipulate, and I am SOOOOO much more aware of what is going on. It is amazing. I just have to practice giving the right response. Or none at all.
Here's a link to what has helped me see clearly what he is doing -
I can't post more now, will catch up again next week, probably. But it is all eye opening stuff. I really gave my H the benefit of the doubt all these years, but he doesn't deserve it, unfortunately. With my new (non rose tinted) glasses on, I can see him for the manipulative narcissist that he is.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
